Fuck it I'm gonna hate watch Bad Hair on Hulu.

Thread.

Intro song is "I'm Your Puppet". Interesting choice.

I'm one minute in and I regret my choices. The colorism and featurism projected on a child is already getting on my nerves.

Dark skin little files deserve better.

Her 4C hairstyle looks super cute and well managed. So I'm annoyed they're already projecting it as unattractive but also unusual???

Weren't tons of people wearing afros then?

Of course they bring in Vanessa Williams to play the light skin, straight hair villian in cahoots with the evil white executive.

This music video scene is super corny but it's Kelly Rowland so imma let it slide.

Why they acting like weaves are new if this is set in the 80s.

Also Jay Pharaoh playing the hotep, fuccboi, 'I play women' character is really funny because I just don't believe him.

I'm 15 minutes into this movie and nothing exciting has happened yet.

Oh look Black men stealing labor from Black women again.

Also her afro bun is mad cute and her edges are laid.

And this spinning camera scene is giving me a migraine and isn't accomplishing what I think the director wants it too.

So she offers her an Associate Producer job because she clearly she's her potential but is pressed about her hair when they're the Black music station. Ma'am!

Light skin sister still trifling.

Also what is this transition from I got job, fuck African folktales to "we were enslaved!!!" BS? Is this a real conversation? Because getting from point A to B doesn't flow right.

Can Grandpa Hotep bring it down a notch?

Oooooh a big scary red book just named "Slave Lore". That's not on the nose at all.

Please please Miss. Stylist give me a weave, haven't you ever had a dream before?!

I'm not exaggerating this dialogue.

Are weaves Voodoo? Is that really how they're gonna play this?

Also I have a hard time believing any 4C hair woman is this tenderheaded with cornrows.

Ummmm... your hair isn't supose to bleed when you're getting a weave. Like not at all. Who directed this?! LMAOOO

Why is Usher in this movie?

Why they giving my girl Kelly Rowland the Michael Jackson Thriller eyes???

Also does she even know how to wrap her hair????????

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU WRAP!!!

Did Umar Johnson write this film? Who's the executive producer? Is there A Hotep Film Guild? WTF.

Now with straight hair the blonde girl who previously ignored her gave her the famous "hair flip and wink" combo of approval.

Not even exaggerating.

Ew. This better not be a gross out film.

Light skin boss demonstrating her antiBlackness and using her dark skin assistant as a shield against criticism is the most realistic part of the movie so far.

Uh that went from zero to one hundred. Ma'am ain't nobody asked about who you were fucking?

They really tryna sell me on Jay Pharaoh is fucking executives to get to the top and again I don't buy it.

Also you don't throw a lot cigarette into a dumpster. You gonna burn the building down.

Other than the scene with the hair coming out of her finger there hasn't been any horror elements.

Oooh the weave ate a french fry... Scary.

My family is hassling me to turn this shit off but I will not suffer alone!

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!

So the tone of this film does did a fucking 180 cuz we went from campy barely scary, comedy-horror to an attempted rape scene.

Eeeeewww!!! I do not want to see fucking hair drinking blood through a stab wound. This is nasty!

Funny and loud, fat Black friend stereotype.

Damn the main character went full coon pretty quick.

Also I shouldn't have to put up with this writing and Lena Waithe at the same time.

More Michael Jackson Thriller eyes.

Are all weaves evil spirits? Do weaves make you into hair vampires? Is this a real movie?

It's tangled cuz you didn't wrap it!!!

TRIGGER!!!

So they hair reached down and drunk her period blood? Not very consensual but she accepted it because now it isn't tangled anymore????

Put these writers in prison!!!

So weaves automatically whitewash your mind then? If their skin starts lightening imma riot.

This isn't the Black women centered vampire movie we deserve. This is just disrespectful.

I just caught it. Culture rebranded to Cult. It's a cult. A hair cult.

Hardee. Har. Har.

Light skin women stealing the ideas and labor from dark skin women. Again.

I cannot believe Usher is in this same movie but we got Jay Pharaoh playing the office hoe. Wasting natural talents.

They took a freaky, BDSM, horror-sex scene and it was both unsexy and not scary. And that's a shame cuz the actress is too pretty and talented for this movie.

At least the office hoe dead.

It was witches that made the vampire weaves as foretold in our sacred slave stories!

This is not the Black witch story we deserve.

Girl what the fuck is this.

"Let me check with my killer weave support group."

Funniest line in the film so far.

TRIGGER!!!

I don't care who writes this movie o don't wanna see films that's lynching Black women even with hair.

Oh come on we gonna blame "Indians" for putting evil spells into the hair? Really? They honestly said "Red Man" and talking about mystical tribes.

I expect better from Black people to not stereotype Natives.

In a better world this could've been a cool film about a Black woman antihero who teams up with her magical weave to take down shitty men and racists. But no.

We get a weave evil possession film.

Girl why?! Also it's super disrespectful the body count is mostly Black women. There's a whole building of white people they could've got first.

Only a hotep would think a film where Black women are the villians, monsters and the victims being murdered is a "love letter" to Black women.

Lena Waithe's character should've died three times over by now.

Y'all I don't even feel for the main character because she was cooning hard.

Oooooh the only way to defeat the evil hair is to get it wet. The last think any Black woman would do. You're so clever man who wrote this.

Really they found a way to put I'm a plantation and white man master into this fucking film.

Let it end!!!

It's over. I have a fucking migraine. Whew somebody pain me to write a Black woman horror movie. I promise that I'm a better writer.