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how 2 spot manipulation, from someone who used to be manipulative and was manipulated thread lol
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no. 1, it makes u feel bad even though it wasnt your fault
this is a form of gaslighting made to make the victim seem and think they are at fault. it often times convinces the victim is so. here is a scenario.
this is a form of gaslighting made to make the victim seem and think they are at fault. it often times convinces the victim is so. here is a scenario.
anthony, your friend, tells you he wants to go out with you and a couple other of his friends. you go along, but something bad happens. he bumped into you and he spilt his drink on you.
“ its not my fault, thats your problem.
you should think about where you walk next time “
“ its not my fault, thats your problem.
you should think about where you walk next time “
can you spot the manipulation? hes trying to make you feel bad for what he did. its his fault for bumping into you and spilling his drink on you. the best action to take after this is to take note of his behaviors, and if he does things like this normally, drop him.
no. 2, they use manipulative language.
now its easy to say manipulative things without knowing, but its always good to know what to and what to not say. lets go over manipulative sayings.
now its easy to say manipulative things without knowing, but its always good to know what to and what to not say. lets go over manipulative sayings.
“ well it was your fault “
“ im sorry for ___ “
“ if you really loved me, you would ___ “
“ *extreme exaggeration to make themselves seem vulnerable* “
“ *something to invalidate your trauma or identity* “
“ im doing this for your own good “
“ im sorry for ___ “
“ if you really loved me, you would ___ “
“ *extreme exaggeration to make themselves seem vulnerable* “
“ *something to invalidate your trauma or identity* “
“ im doing this for your own good “
“ *tries to force you into doing something you do not want to do with gifts, favors* “
“ *makes your self worth image crumble, so you depend on them* “
“ *threatens you and insults you until you do something they want you to do* “
“ *makes your self worth image crumble, so you depend on them* “
“ *threatens you and insults you until you do something they want you to do* “
theres more to list but this is what i can work with. Lets start with
“ well it was your fault “
this message can vary on context, if you can recall anthony used this same one on you, he just worded it differently. this is designed to make the victim feel at fault.
“ well it was your fault “
this message can vary on context, if you can recall anthony used this same one on you, he just worded it differently. this is designed to make the victim feel at fault.
no 3, now onto “ im sorry for ___ “
lets start with a scenario.
your pet has recently died. you are distraught and your friend mary tries to comfort you. however, you push her away and tell her to leave you alone for a little while. in response to your actions,
lets start with a scenario.
your pet has recently died. you are distraught and your friend mary tries to comfort you. however, you push her away and tell her to leave you alone for a little while. in response to your actions,
mary gets upset. “ Well, im sorry for trying to help you. Im sorry for trying to make you feel better. “ she walks away.
did you see the manipulation? mary tried to make you feel bad for not accepting her help. as harsh as it may seem shes not obligated to help you, nor are you obligated to accept her help. however she should not try to make you feel bad for not accepting her help.
this is also gaslighting. this is to make the victim feel bad for the manipulator and will often lead to the victim believing they are in the wrong. marys correct response should be “ oh, thats okay. i will leave you alone. just call me if you need anything okay? im here for you”
no. 4, “ if you really loved me... “
this is a gross form of manipulation. lets explain it through a scenario.
this is a gross form of manipulation. lets explain it through a scenario.
its mothers day and you forgot to get your mom something. you tell your mom this sadly, and she gets upset with you. “ If you really loved me, you would have gotten me something! “ she shouts.
Love is not measured with materialistic items, but with your heart. Its not the gift, but the though that counts. Shes trying to make you feel bad by implying that you do not really care about her because you didn’t get her anything.
this makes the victim think that they truly dont care and that if they did, they would’ve done something.
no. 5, extreme exaggerations to make themselves seem vulnerable.
lets say martha was crying over losing a job for poor attendance. reasonable right? well, martha goes over and tells sam that she got fired because she was ugly even though she did most of the work-
lets say martha was crying over losing a job for poor attendance. reasonable right? well, martha goes over and tells sam that she got fired because she was ugly even though she did most of the work-
and that she was always bullied at work and has always been distraught, and shes been bottling up for weeks. this isn’t true, but sam doesn’t know that.
this is manipulation designed to make people feel bad for the manipulator. let me continue the story.
sam is dating marthas ex manager. and he calls his partner and tells them about this. monty, his partner, denies it. sam trusts martha more than his own partner on this because of how well martha was at manipulating him. this spawns many arguments in sams relationship,
and leads to them breaking up.
cause and effect anyone? not only can this ruins people trust and perception of you it can also ruin other peoples lives.
cause and effect anyone? not only can this ruins people trust and perception of you it can also ruin other peoples lives.
no. 6, something to invalidate your trauma and or identity.
for simplicity’s sake im going to use trauma. now, lets say you have trauma from...whatever and your abuser is younger than you. you just made this really great friend, and now it comes to break the news about this.
for simplicity’s sake im going to use trauma. now, lets say you have trauma from...whatever and your abuser is younger than you. you just made this really great friend, and now it comes to break the news about this.
you explain to your friend, michelle, that your abuser is younger than you. michelle scoffs and laughs at you. “ you dummy, they cant be younger than you! “ she says through her chicken clucking sounding laughs. “ you’re older you should’ve done better. that isn’t REAL trauma. “
can you spot the manipulation? michelle is trying to invalidate your trauma by telling you that your trauma isn’t real because your abuser is younger than you. trauma is trauma, no matter the time, date, place, age. its trauma.
no. 7, “ im doing this for your own good. “
this is bad for a number of reasons, however it can be good when you’re trying to save someone from doing something stupid. let me explain it with a scenario.
this is bad for a number of reasons, however it can be good when you’re trying to save someone from doing something stupid. let me explain it with a scenario.
so, your dad meets your s/o. he goes “ y/n, i dont like this person because *stupid reason* “ you tell him hes loco(crazy) then go on with your day. the next day he forces you and your s/o to break up because of his unjust opinion, saying this is “ for ur own good “
this should be obvious, you cant force people to break up because you dont like the person. this is designed to make you feel like you have no say, or no decision.
no. 8, trying to get you to do something you said no to with gifts and favors.
your friend alex really wants to go to prom with you, but you don’t. you say no to him, multiple times. “ y/n, please just once. platonically? i’ll give you a new phone, or a watch. “
your friend alex really wants to go to prom with you, but you don’t. you say no to him, multiple times. “ y/n, please just once. platonically? i’ll give you a new phone, or a watch. “
“ please just go out with me. “ he begs.
THIS IS MANIPULATION!! a common way too hes trying to get you into doing something his way in exchange for gifts, remember no means no.
THIS IS MANIPULATION!! a common way too hes trying to get you into doing something his way in exchange for gifts, remember no means no.
no. 9, attempting to make your self worth crumble (usually so you’ll depend on them and get attached to them, this is how a lot of abusers get their targets)
lets say you got into a relationship with this girl named geo. geo is good to you at first, however, something is off.
lets say you got into a relationship with this girl named geo. geo is good to you at first, however, something is off.
“ you look ugly in that shirt, change it into this one. “ you brush it off as fashion advice. but it gets worse. “ i hate your friends, stop talking to them you look better with me anyway. “ why are you so fat “ “ you’re so fucking ugly “ “ why are you so dumb? “
“ you look bad in everything “ “ i hate your hairstyle “ “ your family fucking sucks. “
she then continues to make fun of your complaints to her to get her shit straight. “ you need me, “ she says. “ you’re helpless without me. “ you become dependant, and attached to her. this is not good.
i think it should be obvious shes a shit s/o. shes trying to make you feel bad, feel worthless.
finally, no. 10, insulting you or making you feel worse into getting you to do things.
this is a guilt trip/gaslighting tactic. i’ll use what my parents did to me a few months ago as an example.
this is a guilt trip/gaslighting tactic. i’ll use what my parents did to me a few months ago as an example.
dad: did you eat moms fruit tart?
me: yes
dad: well you ate all of the fruit off and now shes crying ((yes, over fruit))
dad: that was her favorite dessert btw, and you ruined it.
me: yes
dad: well you ate all of the fruit off and now shes crying ((yes, over fruit))
dad: that was her favorite dessert btw, and you ruined it.
did i apologize to her? no tf LMAO but anyway, he tried to make me feel bad by telling me it was my moms favorite dessert and that i ruined it.
...anyway....end of thread stay safe
