Seriously, the absolute last thing I need - or the country needs - is this pair of entitled narcissists inviting us to love them as much as they love themselves in a hollow and utterly phoney couch talk.

They may think it’s boosting morale, but it feels more like trolling https://twitter.com/itvnews/status/1322241743077711872

Where is the test and trace that you had all summer to build, you bastards? Why did you had it out to your useless Tory pals? Why have you ignored gov scientists re. circuit breaker? Why have you put 20 percent VAT on PPE? Why did you bully Manchester? Why won’t you feed kids?

Why are you cutting back furloughs? Why are you letting migrants drown and talking about sending them to volcanic islands? Why have you incited hatred towards ‘lefty lawyers’? Why did you let your creepy SPAD break the rules and undermine your entire pub. health messaging?

Why have you handed out so many PPE procurement programmes to insiders on no bid/no penalty contracts? Why are barely-trained teenagers staffing test and trace? Why did you put covid patients in care homes without proper support and equipment?

Why are leading us towards a calamitous Brexit in the midst of a pandemic? Why don’t you ask for an extension? Why do you lie and dissemble whenever you speak? How in God’s name could you even think this awful video was worth doing? What have we done to deserve people like you?

When, when, when will you go away before you do any more harm than you have already?

Ah ha, I see it’s just been announced you’re going to introduce a national lockdown. So you thought you’d cheer us up by gurning at us from a couch?

You absolute pair of shysters