I have been rather frazzled cos of my housing situation (upside: not gonna be homeless but likely nomadic Dec-June) that it feels like I’ve even lost the (English) words to describe what I feel. The only word that keeps coming to mind is a Malay word: bercelaru. Clearly frazzled.

It’s probably why I keep wanting to listen to or watch Indonesian songs and shows (the language is a cousin of Malay; same roots) despite formulating thoughts in English. I just feel so upended and confused though I can’t say there’s anything bad, just lots of uncertainties.

Uncertainties coupled with a complex feeling towards thoughts of “Am I gonna behave like a millennial forever - commitment-phobic and floating with no permanent home and address?” cos I would always choose convenience. Ah long week. Good week, but long.

Also job security-wise: I haven’t spoken about this cos why would I haha plus info trickles (my organization is a turtle and dinosaur) but yes we have a big reorg coming up in Q2 next year where anything is game. Recently the gravity of this finally sunk in and well, frazzled.

I wasn’t too worried initially until I recently understood the potential personal impact to me cos directly tied to Qs of can I sign a 12-month housing contract? etc. Frankly useless to stress now cos more tangible info expected in Q1’22 but as it is I’m commitment-phone.

Meaning the thought of needing to be contractually, legally bound for a full duration that as it is now I don’t know if I will stick around for 50% of it - yikes. “But what option does this leave me?” (I’m not out of options) and my mind just spirals from there. It sucks.

I’m alright and again: it’s useless frankly to stress about “Will I have a job? Will I stay on in NL?” right now cos there’s so little info but knowing I need to move out end of Nov yet not knowing for how long I’ll be staying in new place... mind spirals.

This thread is an acknowledgment that the present situation could be worst - really it could cos I recognize how extremely fortunate I am to have friends agreeing to house me temporarily etc - but man, it sucks. It could be worst but ah... the endless uncertainties suck.