Why I’m Voting for Jo Jorgensen: A Thread

Okay I know this is going to be extremely controversial especially since I live in a swing state so please hear me out. Don’t judge me until you have read the entire thread.

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First of all, I hurt my eyes very bad in an embarrassing accident. I don’t want to get into it, but I made a bad mistake while watching sensitive material on my Oculus that led to shattered genitals and losing 90% of my retinas. Please do not try to do sex mods to your VR
2/40

I spent three weeks in the hospital and the doctors said I will probably never game again and I was warned legally to stay away from all teledildonic activities. I don’t agree with their decision AT ALL and I don’t think constitutionally they can say that
3/40

But a man from the cops said that actually yes I can be banned from teledildonic activities just like hackers can be banned from owning and using computers. I argued that I was never charged with a crime and that I didn’t harm anyone but they kept gesturing to my crotch
4/40

I personally believe that teledildonics are even more important in my life now that my eyes are hurt so bad I cannot see erotics and I need to rely on the strategic buzzes and hisses from my homemade sex machinery to simulate the activities in these films
5/40

When I contacted the Trump campaign about my legal troubles I presumed that I would find a sympathetic ear. His belief in personal freedoms and liberty and small government seemed perfectly aligned unlike my horribly misaligned and shattered penis.
6/40

Imagine my surprise when Donald Jeremiah Trump contacted me personally by phone! I was so honored until he called me a nerd and asked if my dad could go to the golf course with him (my dad is Jack Nicklaus). I introduced my dad Jack Nicklaus to Trump and they forgot about me
7/40

When I told my dad Jack Nicklaus to please ask Trump for help about my teledildonics my dad Jack Nicklaus asked if I had any golf games on my Oculus. I can’t lie to my dad Jack Nicklaus so I admitted that no and he asked if I could invent something called “golfdildonics”
8/40

I explained to my dad Jack Nicklaus that the prefix “tele” is the part that means “from far away” and the “dildonics” suffix is the sex machinery part so actually he meant “telegolf” not “golfdildonics” if he actually meant virtual golf.
9/40

My dad Jack Nicklaus shook his head very sad and told me he was going to go golf with Trump and that he was going to endorse Trump for president and when Trump was president he would force me to invent something called “golfdildonics”
10/40

I don’t think that Trump can force me to invent a technology called “golfdildonics” but I also did not think the men from the cops could tell me what I was forbidden to invent and this is when I realized that government is too big much much too big
11/40

I called up the Joseph Biden campaign but they said my famous dad Jack Nicklaus was bitten by Joseph Biden once in the 90s when Joseph Biden drank too much Jolt Cola and got rowdy when he was playing Goldeneye because my dad Jack Nicklaus kept playing as Oddjob
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And when my dad Jack Nicklaus played as Oddjob he kept shooting boxes in Archives then crouching down so he was hidden inside of the boxes and it was impossible to find him so Joseph Biden who was playing as Xenia Onatopp took a big chug of Jolt Cola and
13/40

Joseph Biden jumped on my dad Jack Nicklaus and bit very lightly all around his cheeks and waddle it wasn’t actually violent at all but it made my dad Jack Nicklaus very angry and aroused so my dad Jack Nicklaus told Joseph Biden he could never golf again
14/40

So Joseph Biden says that he would help me make my teledildonics again if he became president and also if my dad Jack Nicklaus would let Joseph Biden taste his waddle again
15/40

I begged my dad Jack Nicklaus to let Joseph Biden nibble his waddle again very gently but my dad Jack Nicklaus shook a putter in my face and told me to put it in the internet so even children in Japan could achieve their dreams of golf
16/40

Please remember again that I cannot barely see and it’s very scary to have your dad yell at you when you can’t see where his mouth is because it feels like a scary man in the dark is yelling very loud at you to put golf on the internet
17/40

I asked a nurse in the hospital to do a search for me about politicians biting to see if I could find a legal loophole that would make my dad Jack Nicklaus have to offer up his neck wobble again and she said there was a lady named Jo Jorgensen
18/40

The nurse told me that Jo Jorgensen had been bitten by a bat! I thought that was very funny but it didn’t help me at all. I told her it would be funny if I called Jo Jorgensen and asked her for help instead of Donald Jeremiah Trump or Joseph Biden
19/40

So I called Jo Jorgensen and she picked up the phone very quickly and said “Hello this is Jo for President what can I Jo for you today”
I laughed and she got very angry because she didn’t actually mean to say “What can I Jo for you” and she had never said that before
20/40

I told her it was okay and I was sorry for laughing but she seemed really scared about having a stroke because she had never ever said “What can I Jo for you” in her entire life even though she had answer the phone a hundred times
21/40

I gave the phone to the nurse so she could tell Jo that her brain was okay but the nurse said Jo Jorgensen would need a CAT scan to actually know if she was okay. I asked why there was a CAT scan but not a DOG scan
22/40

Jo Jorgensen laughed so hard at my DOG scan joke that she forgot about “What can I Jo for you” and said she would grant me any wish I asked for so I asked for my Teledildonics machines back from the men at cops
23/40

Jo Jorgensen got really quiet and said “I can Jo almost anything but I can’t Jo that” and she hung up on me. I couldn’t believe it! We never even talked about the bat that bit her! And she didn’t ask about my very famous dad Jack Nicklaus even once
24/40

My faith in politics very badly shaken much like my eyes and addled brain and penis from the Oculus accident I promised never to vote again. Of course this was all happening back in August and a lot has changed since then!
25/ 40

For one thing Trump is still president and he calls me up every day and says he is spending more time with my dad Jack Nicklaus than I have ever spent with him which I think is actually true because my dad Jack Nicklaus was always too busy for me
26/50

When I was growing up. I would always ask my dad Jack Nicklaus if he would play video games with me and my dad Jack Nicklaus would laugh very loud and say he had to golf then he would go play video games with someone else (maybe Joseph Biden)
27/50

So when Donald Jeremiah Trump kept calling me and telling me how much time he was spending with my dad Jack Nicklaus I got so angry I gave $10 to an organization that promises to mean tweet Trump every day until he is dead
28/40

This act of politics changed my heart and made me remember why I loved politics in the first place: giving money to people who promise to make mean tweets all the time. So I gave $20 to George Conway’s The Linkin Park to keep doing mean tweets
29/40

Although sometimes I am afraid that all the mean tweets made Trump try to get coronavirus so he could die and escape the mean tweets I think I’d did the right thing with my $30 that I can’t even spend on making machines that blow wet air on my scrotum
30/40

So last week I asked my nurse to bring me a ballot so I could vote because I now believed in politics again and I was going to vote for the only politician who could give me my life and my passion back: Donald Jeremiah Trump
31/40

“But I thought you like mean tweets at Donald Jeremiah Trump why do you also want to vote for him?” I hear you holler at me and I will holler back “I forgot about that already because my brain is bad from the accident”
32/40

But when I tried to vote for president Donald Jeremiah Trump on my ballot my hand was shaking very bad from my accident and I made big wobbly scribbles all over the ballot and they had to throw my ballot in the trash with the bananas
33/40

“Please let me vote for Donald Jeremiah Trump” I screamed “You have to let me vote for the big guy” and I screamed so loud about voting for president that they said I actually did vote!!!
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And that’s why I’m voting for President Donald Trump for president in 2020!
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