"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! My life is my own."

(incoming thread alert)

at the start of quarantine, I watched this weird old British show that I'd had on my to-watch list for years. it's called The Prisoner. ostensibly, it's about a disillusioned spy who resigns his post, then is kidnapped and whisked away to a bizarre place called the Village

generally, each episode centers around two things: those running the Village try to torture the spy to find out what he knows (starting with why he resigned); and the spy, beaten down but never quite broken, tries to escape (or later, subvert the Village from the inside)

everyone in the Village is known only by number. the spy is given the number 6, to which he responds, with iron certainty: "I am not a number. I am a person."

famously, the opening credits of the show have a different (and common) refrain: "I am not a number! I am a free man!"

the show often gets boiled down to this: a struggle between freedom and captivity, or individualism versus convention. but I think the first quote is more interesting and more evocative of the real struggle at the heart of the show: personhood versus conformity.

the Village is conformity. the Village is assimilation, acquiescence, obedience. the Village is happy smiling people in a happy smiling place. no, don't kick up a fuss -- you don't want to upset all these nice folks, do you? you can be happy here, too! if you just give in to us.

and into this world of careful, polite order, where the people aren't people and nobody ever leaves, where those who don't conform are swallowed up (literally, by a white balloon; it's a weird show, ok) --

into this world comes the prodigal shit-stirring punk, Number Six.

Six is angry. Six is wryly funny. Six is clever and inquisitive. most importantly, Six never, ever gives up. even when he's tortured, drugged, hypnotized, gaslit a hundred times over -- even when he doubts -- he never stops asking questions, and he never relinquishes himself

the moment I come back to over and over in the show is from the penultimate episode, "Once Upon a Time". imo it's one of the greatest television episodes ever made, a tour de force showdown between Six and one of the many Number Twos who lead the Village

in the episode, Two essentially mindwipes Six to a tabula rasa, childlike state; he then orchestrates the reenactment of various scenes from Six's life, tweaked so that Six will learn to trust authority, follow society's rules, and ultimately reveal everything he knows

it's fitting that this episode comes so late, b/c it's the apotheosis of everything the Village wants to do: grind Six down until he's not a person any more, and remake him in their image. it's profoundly surreal and stomach-churning. but...gleams of identity still shine through.

Six (as a schoolboy) is called into the office of Two (as a headmaster). Two castigates him for talking in class, and Six insists it wasn't him. Two asks if he knows who started it. Six says yessir.

Two asks who it was. Six is stonily, resolutely silent, head held high.

Two: "That is cowardice!"
Six: "That's honor, sir."
Two: "We don't talk about such things."
Six: "You should teach it, sir."
Two: "You're a FOOL."
Six: "Yes, sir. Not a rat."

Two whirls, furious. "I'm a rat?!"

Schoolboy Six smiles, wry as ever. "No sir. I'm a fool. Not a rat."

Two: "Society is a place where people exist together. The lone wolf belongs to the wilderness. You must conform! It is my sworn duty to see that you conform! You will take six [lashings]."

Six, a little crazed, but still certain of himself, whispers: "I'm not guilty, sir."

Two, irate: "Ten!"

and Six -- indomitable Six, ground down into sand but never erased -- asserts with pride, "Twelve, sir. So I can remember."

that's the heart of the show for me: never give yourself up to conformity, and when they punish you, smile cheekily and ask for more.

incidentally, much of the episode was apparently based on real experiences of the lead (+ writer/director of the show), Patrick McGoohan, which explains some things.

McGoohan had a cynical view of society as a whole, but was also deeply skeptical of any attempt to escape society

this is made apparent in the show's finale, which...ends ambiguously, to say the least, and seems to argue that in the end, it's impossible for one to completely break free from society willing you, forcing you to conform.

but I prefer to take a slightly more optimistic read:

we may be dancing in cages, blind to the bars that are there -- but we still dance. we dance so we can break down the bars later.

escape may be futile; we may always end up exactly where we started -- but there are still moments when we can exult in ourselves, alone and free.

and those moments of mystery, of joy, of pride and excitement and the magic strangeness of just *being yourself*, whoever that might be -- they are uniquely one's own, to give up or share or keep to oneself as you please. and they can never be destroyed in any way that matters.

so, uh, that's why I love The Prisoner and that's why I dressed up as Six for Halloween. thanks for reading

ps -- this thread was strongly influenced by @fodderfigure and @zhandlen's writings, which you can find here respectively: https://catapult.co/stories/when-the-way-you-love-things-is-too-much-autism-special-interests-portmeirion-pilgrimage https://tv.avclub.com/the-prisoner-arrival-1798206927

second postscript -- I also made a Prisoner playlist, which you can listen to here, if that's your style: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0mHeuI981XYeZoaouf34BE?si=sUhzBhpIRIedO4vZHdz9FA&utm_source=copy-link not to toot my own horn, but I think it's pretty good

third postscript -- you can watch all of The Prisoner for free here, in beautiful HD: https://www.shoutfactorytv.com/series/the-prisoner. DM me with your thoughts if you check it out!

(seriously please talk to me about this show, I love it so much)