Every now and then I have the mood to dominate someone. A college student wanted to gain some experience being submissive and I thought I could provide a safe and constructive environment for him to learn. /1

I showed him all of the gear I planned to use on him and explained what he should expect & other safety precautions. I then had him take off all of his clothes. While I was reaching for a hood, he dropped his head and said “sorry for looking the way I do” referring to his body /2

Now I don’t know if he felt he needed to say that as part of the scene or if he truly believed it. Either way, it caught me off guard and I murmured “we all start somewhere” trying to think of a quick, constructive response. /3

Not happy with my response, I then placed the hood over his head, grabbed and squeezed his arms and delts and said: “Damn, you look so sexy boy. You’re going to make a great toy.” The sub beamed with a smile and replied: “Thank you sir.” /4

Everyone does kink differently and we all have our limitations. Body shaming and other forms of assaulting someone’s self-worth don’t work for me. I’d rather build them up than tear them down. I use shame constructively (e.g., I’m disappointed you didn’t complete the task). /5

If you’re a new sub or dom, I’d encourage you to find a counterpart who meets your needs and style. All of my trainers/doms, have had coaching styles: challenging but also supportive. If you need someone who is more authoritarian, then go for it. /6

Just communicate what you need, what you’re able to provide, and what experiences interest you. The main thing is to have fun. #kink #bodyshaming #bodypositivity /7