Unpopular opinion: I have very little sympathy for women who bang a dude for years and are then shocked to find out he’s a scumbag

You picked someone who AVOIDS COMMITMENT and signaled for YEARS that you aren’t worth committing to

What did you think was gonna happen?

I’m not saying these women are bad people. I’m not saying being a scumbag is justified

But if I cover myself in barbecue sauce, waltz into a lion den, and get my butt chomped by a hungry lion, I don’t spend years screaming about the injustice

Own your naïveté and move on

You don’t have to be ashamed. Just learn from your mistake

If you had a fear of commitment yourself and that’s why you picked a scumbag afraid of commitment, fix your issue and pick better

Stop covering yourself in barbecue sauce and stop playing in lion dens

There are people who are worth your time and then people who aren’t

Key indicator: The willingness to commit in a way that would be detrimental to just pick up and break it off at a whim

Keeping the door open is a good sign of MAJOR ISSUES, also called a RED FLAG

Something in you was okay with the arrangement that allowed such immediate shock

Either fear of commitment, or secrecy, or insecurity, or belief that you don’t deserve better, or desperation to fill a void

Find your weak link and fix it to stop falling prey to scumbags

You don’t have to keep repeating this mistake. And don’t give a scumbag total control over how you feel now just because of how he mistreated you in the past

Own your role and become powerful in your life. Stop letting life happen to you. Build relationships with intention

Don’t hate the shark for being a predator, and don’t hate scumbags for doing what you allow

Instead, DON’T TOLERATE RED FLAGS

Use them as opportunities for discussion and clarity

If the person doesn’t respond well, move on

But don’t spend your life surrendering control over how you feel because you got blindsided by a scumbag

Figure out why you were okay with all the red flags leading up to the “blindsiding” and fix your weaknesses

Then you’ll weed out scumbags and attract healthy people

And to clarify: a verbal agreement is not a commitment to someone whose integrity is based solely on feelings