Coping, coping, coping.

That’s a word I’ve heard a lot the last few days, mostly spoken by children (literally and figuratively) who don’t actually know what they’re talking about.

So let’s talk about what coping is, and tricks to doing it better, shall we?

When one needs to “cope” with a given situation, the root is fundamentally that something has happened that makes them feel a certain way (bad) and that is different than what they want to feel (good).

That problem could be anything, big or small. The size doesn’t matter.

People usually make the mistake of thinking that, when you cope, you’re trying to fix the problem.

No, not true. You’re trying to fix the EMOTIONS you’re experiencing in regard to the problem.

For example, I showed up at the airport this morning and the restaurant was closed.

This was different than what I expected because it’s usually open.

This made me feel bad because I wasn’t going to be able to get my pre-flight mimosa that would put me to sleep for the first leg of my trip to Pittsburgh for the #WalkAway rally tomorrow.

In other words, this made me feel bad, when I’d anticipated having my drink to make myself feel good.

So, the problem I need to solve for isn’t the drink - it’s the emotions I have about not getting it and therefore not being able to sleep as easily.

Now, when something happens that you need to cope with, there are fundamentally two different strategies - problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping.

But don’t be fooled! The goal of each is the same: to manage the (bad) emotions you’re having about whatever happened.

When someone uses emotion-focused coping techniques, they are trying to mitigate whatever emotional stress they are experiencing as a result of there being a dissonance between what they want to feel and what they actually feel.

Think of emotional eating, working out, etc.

These are things that are NOT designed to solve the problem, but rather to mitigate the impact of the problem while AVOIDING actually solving it.

For example, if I had chosen to eat a sugary snack to replace my mimosa, that’s emotion-focused coping. I’m not solving the problem.

Problem-focused coping are strategies specifically dedicated to solving the problem.

But the trick is that the problem you really have to solve for is how you FEEL about the situation.

This thread is a result of that - it’s making me feel better about my lack of mimosa.

See, I can’t wave a wand and make a mimosa appear, but I can change my relationship with the situation and, as a result, change my emotions about it.

This is what most people don’t get - they think that solving the problem directly (getting a mimosa) is the only path.

But what if I can, instead, turn not having a mimosa into a thing that makes me feel good?

Let’s be honest: no one really NEEDS a mimosa at 6am. It’s not good for me.

Teaching people a thing or two that can help them inspired by the circumstance is a much better way to serve.

Besides, I can get a mimosa on my layover anyway

Now, have I solved the problem of not having a mimosa? No.

But what I have done is change my emotions about the experience, which is just as good.

The only problem you’re ever really trying to solve for are your EMOTIONS.

We are always in control of the emotions we feel and no one - not a closed bar at the airport nor a mal-adaptive mob of minions - can take that away from you.

You are always in control, and there’s always tricks you can play to change your experience by changing your emotions.

The key is your willingness to do so. So many people are addicted to anger and outrage right now. Without realizing it, they use situations as a way to feed that.

What if we could teach everyone to be addicted to positive emotions instead? That’s the game-changer.

But regardless of what anyone says or does, YOU are always the one in control of what you feel. YOU have to make the individual choice to focus on how you can feel good in any situation.

Your desire to feed good had got to outweigh your (usually subconscious) desire to feel bad.

If you can get yourself to find joy, or humor, or revel in what some consider negative situations, you win.

It doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks you should feel bad, embarrassed, whatever.

No one controls your emotions except you. That’s your responsibility.

So, minions, keep lecturing me about coping all you like but understand I just look at you and laugh at you using words you don’t understand

And with that, my flight is taking off....and I might even be able to catch a nap without my mimosa.