my overwhelming feeling this morning is one of deep shame and embarrassment. i feel mortified at what my jewishness is used for in this society. i feel ashamed of how some jews have conducted themselves. i feel like i have to be apologetic about how i am racialised.

i feel hopeless in the face of how philosemitism & zionism - both products of white European colonialism & racism - have constructed a Jewishness & an antisemitism that is used solely as a cudgel to gaslight other racialised people and to beat the political Left

waking up in this country, that invented modern racism, that is deeply antisemitic across the board, and seeing fascist Sun, Mail, Spectator pages and all manner of reactionaries crowing about racism, positioning themselves as antiracist makes me feel sick to my stomach

these same liberal/conservative/far right publications, and talking heads, and politicians, either cheer or stay silent while migrants drown, while the police murder and criminalise Black ppl, while Muslims are spied on & abused, while trans ppl suffer ostracism & violence

these ppl who have claimed to be fighters of antisemitism often are apologists for or themselves traffic in "Soros" or "Cultural Marxism" conspiracies that help converge the Right and have led to massacres at synagogues.

just feel totally bitter and broken by it all. fuck this despicable country.