#sapphixywatches Stealth (2005), a brainless action movie about military planes and a rogue AI that I've not seen before

In the future, Google Assistant will co-pilot Navy fighter planes and aircraft carriers will use gaming keyboards

The stealth fighters they designed for this are basically made out of everything people who aren't aerospace engineers think looks cool

Clearly the chick pilot needs a hot girl of her own to make out with

Oh, hey, it's Joe Morton!

Joe Morton makes everything he's in better

Okay the AI plane was clearly designed by someone who has no idea how radar works

"Extreme Deep Invader" is sadly plausible for a US military designation

I can smell that obligatory romance arc coming

Ugh

This also means that Jamie Foxx is probably doomed

Military command is ready to kill thousands of civilians to get three terrorists, because they're brown people in the wrong place

This would have been realistic *before* 9/11

A lightning strike makes the AI go evil? When was this written, 1991?

"rolled on the thighs of mulatto women"

strike that, 1981

Holy hell JESSICA BIEL'S SHOULDERS

Oh FFS even in the cast list the Thai woman that Jamie Foxx picks up is just called "Henry's Thai Girlfriend"

And now it's time for more casual racism with a splash of leftover Cold War paranoia

And CGI terrain straight out of a 2004 PS2 prerendered cutscene

Aaand that's Jamie Foxx's ticket punched, barely halfway through the runtime

Holy shit is that an MP7

though if they're gonna go there I don't know why they didn't just give her a P90

It looks way more like a space gun than the MP7, which mostly looks like a MAC-10 with a glandular problem

Cold fusion weapons?

I… what?

this movie is a trash fire on so many levels but every time I see Jessica Biel's arms I forget all of it

I'm so gay

"each of these stealth engines has a unique heat signature"

Generic White Dude protagonist managed to add like three extra syllables to "Lake Baikal"

oh good lord he had to have pulled like 40G with that flip maneuver

jesus christ "chafe and flare"? *CHAFE*?

I know for a fact that the Navy was basically a producer on this movie and they still couldn't get this dude to pronounce "chaff" right

… you know what, I could complain about how they just put out that fuel line fire, but fuck it

I'm pretty sure that rifle is not mechanically accurate enough to make that shot

so how is that that explosion didn't also destroy everything inside the hangar as well?

radar floor is fifteen feet and you want to fly *under* it?

Apparently this movie was one of the biggest bombs of all time, with its box office gross some $60 million shy of its product budget

Which, I think, sums it up rather nicely