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Oh, you& #39;re a Yamaguchi kin?
Why must you have such overwhelming abandonment issues, an unhealthily dependent nature on others (even people you shouldn& #39;t be dependent on), AND have absolutely no self worth? You do know that you gotta pick ONE struggle, right?
Why must you have such overwhelming abandonment issues, an unhealthily dependent nature on others (even people you shouldn& #39;t be dependent on), AND have absolutely no self worth? You do know that you gotta pick ONE struggle, right?
Oh, let& #39;s not forget the inferiority complex, anxiety, AND family issues. Divorced parents? Parents fighting, on the way to a potential divorce?
Maybe you got loving parents, but the people in your family force the inferiority mindset onto you due to over-talking, harsh words/opinions; or maybe it& #39;s even your so called & #39;friends& #39;, but in actuality they invalidate you and make it seem like you& #39;re unequal?
I mean, if it comes to friends, they probably shit talk you behind your back which contributes to your low self esteem, but you don& #39;t do jack shit about it because they& #39;re, and I quote, your "best friends".
Let& #39;s begin in your childhood: Did you often get embarrassed or humiliated? You probably stumbled a lot, tripped over your own feet/shoelaces; or maybe it was certain incidents at school?
You& #39;d choke on your food/water somehow, maybe walk right into a pole during the middle of a conversation, or during P.E you& #39;d somehow trip over the TINIEST of rocks, and cry like a little bitch because you scraped your knees.
I& #39;m gonna bet as a kid you probably had friends, but they kinda ignored you and didn& #39;t talk much to you, but they were fine with you sitting by them as long as they could pick off some of your snacks (usually the Scooby Doo snacks, gushers, cookies, or those fruit snacks).
I& #39;m also gonna bet that you tried to be cool, so you probably tried to get competitive in dodgeball, but failed miserably, humiliating yourself in the process.
It& #39;s either any of those options, or you owned some kind of strange pet (snail, snake, lizard, etc), a razor scooter (and scratched up your knees a LOT because you& #39;d try to do tricks and just failed completely), or anything similar.
You probably were also the type of kid to be picked on to popcorn read, and you& #39;d stutter a lot and stutter even MORE when you heard the other kids giggle at you.
You also probably opened the school-given milk cartoon at LEAST one time and spilled it all over your lap...I dunno, just a hunch. Maybe it was yogurt though.
You& #39;re a conflicting individual. You find it hard to trust, but you depend heavily on validation and acceptance. Trust issues, but even when you do trust someone, you never tell them about your issues in fear of ruining the sense of security, safety, and friendship that you have-
stabilized. You don& #39;t want them to second guess or worry about you, because that& #39;s something you& #39;re not used to. Then again, you just are afraid to let anyone in, to see your struggles, whether it be with your other & #39;best friends& #39;, parents, or overall family issues.
Back to your unhealthy dependency. I& #39;m going to bet that throughout the duration of your life, you have at some point realized that you have given yourself no self worth.
Because of the points stated prior (whichever one it is that applies to you), you find it hard to give yourself a voice, and to stand up for yourself. With this, you lean on others to give you a voice; not you directly, but to make decisions FOR you.
You stick with people even if they& #39;re toxic, and you never stand up for yourself even when they shit talk you and degrade you. Your self esteem is so low, that sometimes you begin to believe the words they say about you, even if it& #39;s false.
Somedays, do you just feel like crying? There might not be any specific reason, but when you& #39;re alone and behind closed doors, the weight of your problems overwhelm you to their fullest extents: and you cry.
Crying is fine though, it& #39;s alright to let it out, but you do know that you don& #39;t have to hide how you& #39;re feeling from EVERYONE, right? Yes you have trust issues, but I& #39;m sure there are some people, some adults in your life, who have offered to be there for you in your time of-
-need. You may appear to be unstable and fragile, but that& #39;s only because you don& #39;t know how to healthily cope with anything.
Because you bottle everything up, you view yourself as a failure and broken because somedays you just have such terrible break downs, that you can& #39;t pick up all the broken pieces of your fast decaying self esteem.
Though, what& #39;s it like knowing that you won& #39;t ever make your own choices, or carve your own path?
Since you have no way to healthily cope or deal with anything, you will rarely EVER become your own individual without helping yourself by using your voice, and standing up for yourself. When will that ever happen, though? Probably never.
At least you& #39;re comfortable with your every day life: silence, being guided by the people around you, all of your choices and decisions being picked before you can ever get a word in.
A comfortable life from an outside perspective, but toxic and dehumanizing if people look further inside the shell that makes up your entirety.
