i think it’s wonderful that girl in red has found language that feels good, and i also think it’s important that the other people who do identify as lesbians stay loud and proud to help reduce stigma around the word lesbian. i remember being young and physically unable to say it.

people talk a lot about the word dyke and how it’s difficult to reclaim, which it is, i agree, but we rarely have conversations about how negative the word lesbian is in so many places. the country girl in red is from actually uses it like a slur, which explains her stance on it.

lesbian is... well, it’s a loaded word. it’s a porn category, an insult, “inappropriate.” the notion of a lesbian loving another lesbian, of falling deeply in love, maybe having children, being so fucking happy, is not a dirty thing. it never was, no matter what people say.

young LGBTQIA+ people hesitate to call themselves a lesbian due to this stigma a lot of the time. many people decide to call themselves gay/a gay girl, queer, sapphic, etc. these are all powerful and incredible words and i use gay, queer, and sapphic for myself.

but i think the conversation needs to stop telling people which words to use, or shame people for deciding what’s comfortable, and instead celebrate the word lesbian alongside gay, queer, and sapphic, so that if lesbian is the label someone is looking for, they won’t feel scared.

i hope my usage of the word lesbian on my page and in my life helps work towards that future. i hope i’m doing the same thing with butch, which suffers from this phenomenon to a very extreme extent as well. the butchphobia in our community is still rampant and repressive.

at the end of the day, LGBTQIA+ identity is extremely personal, and it’s hard enough realizing you’re not cishet, so the added layer of shame around our terminology makes it even more terrifying to find your place, and the call should not be coming from inside the house.

here is my final message: to those who feel magnetism towards the word lesbian but feel nervous about it, that’s okay. almost every lesbian i know felt the same way. if the word doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to use it, but if you do want to use it and are scared to, listen.

practice saying it alone. type it out. it’s a strong word. powerful. feel its power. you can claim that power. this is the essence of LGBTQIA+ labels. we have to take them and wear them with confidence, or pride, as many call it. it’s rare for these words to feel good at first.

whatever you decide, you have a whole community behind you. it doesn’t matter if you call yourself gay, sapphic, queer, a lesbian, or something else. you are still a valuable member of the LGBTQIA+ community. we see you. we do not feel shame here. we own who we are with pride.