THE DAY I MET MAGNETO (thread)

I have to run a few errands, so I go to the grocery store first. I see Magneto browsing the soup aisle. He's lifting the cans with his powers and checking the nutrition information. Trying to stay cool (I'm actually very excited, it's not...

...every day you see Magneto at a local grocery store in Lemoyne, PA), I say, "Sometimes I like to get the Progresso chicken & sausage gumbo. For the price, it can't be beat." He checks the can (the last one on the shelf, but that's okay), nods and puts it in his cart.

"Wow," I think, "I hope Magneto enjoys that soup."

Next I need to get a real heavy duty broom to sweep my porch, so I head over to the hardware store. Wouldn't you know it, Magneto is there as well, and he's looking at all the cool hammers and wrenches.

I notice that he's opened the can of Progresso gumbo and he's drinking it straight out of the floating can. I don't see any steam or anything so I guess it's just room temp? Either way, I've already talked to Magneto and I don't want to seem like a bother so I just walk past...

...him, but he stops me and says, "You're the one that told me of this soup? The taste is insufferable. I should have known better than to have trusted a powerless human." I suggest that he should have placed the soup in a microwave for a couple minutes.

He scoffs and upturns the soup can, pouring cold gumbo all over my brand new white shirt. I don't want to make him any angrier so I meekly apologize and continue on with my business. I check out and I've got my broom, and I'm heading out to the car.

I ask myself why I went to the grocery store first; there's ice cream in the trunk. I check to see if it's melted or anything. I can't find it. I turn to see Magneto eating my ice cream directly out of the tub. Magneto looks at me and says, "I'm sure you know...

...I could have killed you one hundred times over on your little shopping trip. Think of this next time you volunteer a soup recommendation."

I am distraught. I had hoped this would be the time my hero Magneto would finally end my life. He must have gotten wise to my schemes.

I drive home silently. I pass away in my home at age 96. At my wake and viewing, Magneto pours a can of soup on my preserved corpse. No one says anything.