Thread by @TheOnion, The Onion takes a closer look at the nation’s 50 worst states.https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn [...]

The Onion

TheOnion

The Onion takes a closer look at the nation’s 50 worst states. https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

The Onion’s State-By-State Election Guide

The Onion provides voters in each state with the facts they need to make an informed decision and several dozen completely uninformed decisions at the ballot box.

https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Fun Fact: Alabama has chosen to opt out of all state rankings for a few years while it figures some stuff out. https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Most critical issue facing Mississippi this election cycle:
Seceding from the union is pretty much always on the table. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Biggest race in Texas:
Henry Falmouth vs Georgette Banks (Conroe School Board): The two candidates are engaged in a brutal battle over which version of the Bible should be taught in public schools. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Fun fact: Quantum Leap actor Dean Stockwell resides in Los Angeles, California http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Fun fact: Sun Valley, Idaho is a popular resort region whose stark remoteness inspired Ernest Hemingway’s most famous self-inflicted shotgun wound. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Most critical issue facing Kansas this election cycle:
Abortion: Legislators are considering comprehensive reforms to ensure pregnant teens have easy access to churches in their area. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Most critical issue facing Maine this election cycle:
Deforestation: Roughly 50,000 acres of Maine woods are harvested annually to become Stephen King's newest manuscript. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Biggest race in Georgia:
Alabaster Downes IV vs. Nathan Holcomb (Suitors): Their competition for the heart of Miss Abigail Saunders has become the talk of all Savannah. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Fun fact: There are no fun facts about Nebraska. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Most critical issue facing Missouri this election cycle
What To Do: Between work and waking up the next morning, most Missourians just kind of stand around. The weekends are even worse. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Biggest race in North Dakota:
Doug Burgum vs. Shelley Lenz (Governor): Who gives a shit? Click on another state. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

Fun fact: If Alaska was placed on top of the contiguous United States, it would stretch from Florida to California and crush countless millions of Americans to death. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn

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