good morning guys. ive been thinking about what to say all night but honestly, i have no idea. losing my grandma is awful. just straight up awful. she is one of the matriarchs in our family, one of the seven sisters out of 14 kids from our great grandparents.

i grew up calling her auntie sandy, bc thats what my mom called her, but as i got older i called her grandma sandy, bc she's the same generation as my actual grandma and shes my elder, thats just how it works in the native culture.

i never noticed until i got older either that she had severe rheumatoid arthritis in her hands and feet, bc she was always in the kitchen putting us grandkids to work passing out food and drinks. i started to notice when she first got her cane, and didnt help us in the kitchen.

that didnt stop her from telling stories, laughing, going to see her favorite artist alan jackson in concert, going to the casino, or just going out to eat with her kids and grandkids and brothers and sisters though. she never let her health stop her from being her.

every time my grandma (my mom's mom) would tell us about her, it would be how she won at the casino or went to sioux falls for a concert. the thing ill miss the most about her, she treated all of us with the same amount of love that she treated her own kids and grandkids with.

even though we would sometimes go years without seeing bc we live in different states and it's hard for us to get back to the rez sometimes, she always welcomed us back with a huge hug and a kiss and asked what was new and how we were doing.

but by far my favorite memory of her is when she came with me, jordan, my cousin, my aunt, and uncle to minneapolis bc we were going to a concert. we went and walked around mall of america and talked and laughed and she listened to us go on and on about how excited we were.

i will never ever forget that, and im so happy i did a crappy vlog about it so that i will always have something with her in it.

right now i still feel so numb that this is happening to my family again. we were still reeling from the loss of our grandpa (my grandma's brother) two weeks ago and now my grandma. i dont know why it's my family but i wish it would stop. nobody should have to go through this.

if you read this thread, honestly, thank you. i just really needed to write something for her bc shes always been a constant in my life, and i never thought the last time i would talk to her would be on my birthday.