"Who likes to fire crackers during Diwali?" asked the teacher.

About half of the nine-ten year olds in the classroom raised their hands.

"You should be ashamed," chided the teacher. "Crackers are harmful to our environment!"

The ones who did not raise their hands felt proud.

An overly proud one raised his hand.

"Yes, Kunal."

"My father is a stand-up comedian," said Kunal. "He told us that crackers during Diwali cause noise pollution. There are no crackers in our mythilo...mythlo...mathology."

"Very good point, Kunal."

Kunal sat down with a smirk.

Another hand went up.

"Yes, Parminder."

"My father is a farmer, and he told us that crackers cause air pollution."

"Excellent! What is your father doing now?"

"He has gone to our village to burn bubble."

"You mean stubble."

"Yes, stubble."

"It purifies the air, Parminder."

Suddenly, up went a few hands to share their proud thoughts in the same template.

"Yes, Shahid."

"My father runs a leather boutique. He told us that smoke is very harmful for animals. Some even die slowly due to the smoke."

"Isn't that sad, Shahid? We should all love animals."

"Yes, Ritika."

"My mother is an officer in Dr. Harsh Vardhan's ministry. She said there would be no crackers next year."

"That's indeed good news, Rithika. We should all thank Rahul-ji for this decision. Isn't he cute?"

"Modi-ji is cute," shouted one.

"Be silent, Tejasvi!"

The teacher was enjoying the day.

"Yes, Peter."

"My father owns a plastics factory. He said that Jesus teaches us to save the environment. Diwali is bad. Hindus always pollute."

"Good, Peter, but remember, good Hindus do not pollute. Shashi-ji is a good Hindu. Isn't he sweet?"

"Amit-ji is sweet," shouted one.

"Do you want to stand out of the class, Tejasvi?"

Tejasvi adjusted his glasses silently.

"Yes, Tani."

"My mother makes ads based on interfaith marriages. Her golden message is that unity is important."

"What a great message for Diwali, Tani."

The teacher looked around, remembering those who had raised their hands. She did not want to provoke Tejasvi, and pointed to someone else.

"You are silent, Ram."

Ram stood up and said, "My mother owns a mandir store. She said that Diwali is a time for devotion and celebration."

"It is such an evil business for the environment, isn't it?" said the teacher. "Evil like Modi-ji."

"Rahul is evil," shouted one.

"Stand out for the rest of the class!"

Tejasvi shook his head and stood at the entrance.

"Do you know how much even agarbattis are harmful, Ram?"

"Take down this homework," said the teacher and wrote it on the board:

If one agarbatti produces 150mg of pollutant, and if every Hindu family burns 2 agarbattis twice a day, how much do Hindus pollute everyday?

Below that she wrote:

Hint: Assume 300 million Hindu families.

She then went to the other board and wrote:

"Ram's mother sells 20 packets of ash everyday. If each packet requires burning a small tree, how many small trees does Ram's mother burn in a year?"

"What about Shahid's father and the belts he sells?" said one.

"Shut up, Tejasvi!"

The bell clanged, and while leaving the class, the teacher warned Tejasvi.

"Be very careful, brat!"

"Ma'am, you dropped this," he called her back.

The teacher took the photo of She Who Shall Not Be Named from him.

"Isn't she divine?"

"Ma Durga is divine."

She whooshed away.

Inside, the non-raisers started taunting and shaming Ram. Unperturbed, he took out a small box of kumkum, pinched a little between his thumb and the index finger, and slowly thrust his right arm towards Peter.

Tejasvi went to the board and erased all the homework problems. //