When adapting books for film, what if we stopped inventing one or two pointless female characters (or, ugh, "love interests") and started achieving parity by genderbending existing characters instead?

I mean, it's not like making half of the dwarves women would have been the biggest liberty that Peter Jackson took with The Hobbit...

And who among us didn't have sloppy-drunk "girls' nights" with the Merry and Pippin of our early 20s friend group? (It starts off with "Come out with us! We haven't seen you in aaages!", and the next thing you know you're swearing fealty and service to Gondor...)

Henceforth:
Elves are enbies.
Wizards are trans.
Dragons lust not for gendered categories -- only treasure.

OH ALSO ALL OF MIDDLE EARTH IS POPULATED ENTIRELY BY CRIP, QUEER, BIPOC FOLK.

AND THEY'RE FAT.

(This thread is brought to you by LoTR streaming in the background as I fold my laundry.)