I'm probably the only DUMBASS who thought "what if Joan loved someone when she was younger and her father killed her?
What if Joan never knew anything, except that her father drowned her as well, in the lake next to her parent's house, and that she had to watch Joan go through

everything alone.
She had to watch every bad thing that happened to her. Had to watch her turn into the very thing she despised. The very thing that took her and her mother away from her.
That, that person greeted Jianna and Brenda. Probably greeted Joan's mother and father too.

Because she'd know whatever you do from your living isn't who you really are, it's the product of your traumas, karma, education, society, etc.
What if she did NOT resent Ivan Ferguson for killing her.
What if she FOUGHT but ultimately LOST against him as he was stronger a better

fighter due to the Army training he received and the fencing he did.
What if she even forgave him ?
What if, now that Ivan is dead, he realized that all he did was driven by bad things and that he ruined his daughter trying to do the very opposite ?

What if that younger woman was sat on a bench, near that very lake, looking at it day after day. Knowing Joan was alone, given little to no love. Bullied. Raped. Hanged. Buried alive. And that they never got to say goodbye.
What if she thanked every day Jianna and Brenda for the

amount of happiness, peace, and LOVE they gave her.
The trust and security they made her feel.
What if she cried about it and ultimately resented herself for not being strong enough to WIN against Joan's father ?
What if she promised Joan she'd never be alone as long as she was

here ?
What if Joan/Kath was to dream one night and meet her on that bench after she recovered her memories ?
What if that younger woman told her what happened to her, told her it wasn't her fault for telling her father someone cared and loved her for who she was, without

judgement ?
What if that was what led to her death ?
She'd cry. They both would.
She'd tell her how sorry she is that she wasn't strong enough.
That she fought.
For HER.
To get back to HER.
That she wishes she could be alive to protect her, to hold her, kiss her, touch her.

She'd tell her Joan wouldn't listen even when she was close to her, because she'd be focussed on her father's voice, that HE was all she was listening to.
She'd tell her it wasn't her fault, she never blamed her.
She'd tell her how beautiful she is even if she is now all grown.

Darker hair, wrinkles at the corner of her eyes, gray and white mixing with her brown/raven natural color.
Simply beautiful...
But how sad she is that she closed herself to love and feeling. How sad she is that she thought that is all that there is for her.
Then she'd tell her.

She'd tell her she can change, she is strong enough for it. Determined. Good enough. Loved. Understood. Even if the people who do aren't alive anymore.
That they are still here, she'd say laying a warm palm above her breast, right where resides her beating heart.

How she'd tell her she'd give anything to be alive and be with her.
To be given a second chance.
To try harder.
To love her longer....
She'd touch her hand, caress her cheek, stroke her hair, feel it under her fingers.
Look into her eyes.
Tell her again, how beautiful she is.

Joan would ask her is this is all real.
And she'd tell her that it'll all in her head, but that it doesn't mean it's not real.
It might be a dream, but it's their way of communicating, because now that she is open to feelings due to what happened to her.
They can finally talk.

Joan can finally know what happened to her. How he chased her around the house. How he tried to choke her. How she fought him back, crawled, got on her feet, and grabbed a kitchen knife. But how he overpowered her. Telling her he was doing this for Joan. Because she had to be

toughened. That Emotions led to mistakes.
How he dragged her to the lake.
Joan would cry. She'd feel terrible. After all, she told him as said above that someone cared for her, accepted her the way she was.
But still, she'd tell her it wasn't her fault. She loved her anyway.

The younger woman would see the sun getting up, though it looks like it's around 4-5pm telling Joan she's going to awake soon.
And Joan would tell her she doesn't want to. They'd kiss. Joan would initiate it. The younger woman would eagerly respond.
And then...
She'd be gone.

The younger woman would hold back tears and feel suddenly the loss of Joan even more than she ever did before. Someone would lay a hand on her shoulder and it'd be Ivan. Teary-eyed, telling her how sorry he is and how he knows it's never going to change anything, but he just

wants for her to know.
And that he'll tell her every day if he must, as he can't really repay himself in any other way.
He'd tell her to step away from the lake because it's not good for her. He'd tell her to wash her face and sit down inside with everyone.

Brenda, Jianna, Joan's mother, himself.
Brenda would hold her tight, rest her head on hers. Tell her that even for a short amount of time she was loved by the people in this room.
The younger woman would be so thankful for Brenda and Jianna for loving her for who she was.

But that would not stop her from crying.
As she'd know Joan's back inside that terrible prison.
Surrounded by people who don't understand, never will.
People who will bully and harass her.
Hurt her.
Torment her.
She'd be alone.

And that the younger woman who'd give anything to prevent that.
To walk in that prison.
Get herself a life sentence if she must.
Because she'd rather suffer a thousand deaths and life imprisonment if it meant being with Joan, holding her, kissing her, loving her, protecting her.

YES

I AM THE ONLY DUMBASS WHO THINKS THESE THOUGHTS

WHO LEGIT PLAYED IT OUT IN MY BEDROOM AND IMAGINED EVERYTHING

WHO CRIED MY EYES OUT

DID THE DIALOGUE AS IF I WAS THERE WITH JOAN AND WAS THE SAID YOUNGER WOMAN

I JUST WANT HER TO BE HAPPY SO WHY DO I HURT MYSELF LIKE THAT