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One day I& #39;ll tell y& #39;all about the time I got escorted off base when I fought three soldiers b/c they wouldn& #39;t let me exit a haunted house early when we got to the room full of spiders.
Okay, so...This was like in & #39;99 or & #39;00 b/c before 9/11, anybody could go on base. After 9/11, it got harder and I don& #39;t think I& #39;ve been on base in over 10 years. Anyway, they used to have a haunted house every year (dunno if they still do).
Haunted house is generous b/c it was just a bunch of tents lined up together to make one long-ass scream fest full of most of my worst nightmares, namely clowns and spiders. Yes, I may be half-demon but I& #39;m frightened of clowns and bugs.
Like, the first time I broke my ankle was because I was trying to get away from a spider on my porch and forgot that gravity is a thing when I tried to run in the air. I can& #39;t even look at pictures of them and will legit fight your momma if she tries to play with me abt a spider.
Fuckton of people in line and I was with the dude I was dating at the time (a soldier) and a couple of friends of mine. Now, he was already weary of me being on base because I had previously tried to fight an MP over a deer. So, b4 we went in, he sat me down like a 5yo.
I asked him, "There going to be any clowns or spiders?"
Him:
Him:
He was a liar and got popped too b/c he helped set that shit up.
Anyway, we start to go through and the whole time he& #39;s staying close to me. I THOUGHT it was b/c aw, we are on a date he wants to be the strong man. Turns out he was trying to keep me from fighting people b/c he knew what was coming.
We go through the rooms full of blood and serial killers and people trying to pop out in front of your face. Yeah, some of it startled me but I& #39;m not a pussy and I& #39;ve stabbed people b4 so
Then we get in the room that had some clowns. That& #39;s when my dude got HIS first pop. But I sucked it up, covered my eyes, and powered through. By this time, I knew I was breaking up with dude once we got thru this shit.
Two rooms later, I see someone open the flap and it looks like a room full of webs. I stopped. I stood still and planted my feet down cuz I wasn& #39;t going any further. They had a soldier on the side guarding the side flaps. I told him I wanted out. He said he couldn& #39;t let me.
All of a sudden, another soldier comes out of the room with the webs and throws a handful of plastic spiders at me. I punched that mf so fucking hard in the face his nose just started spraying blood.
I start toward the side flap and the soldier there grabbed my arm so I turned around and punched him too. I had to go to the ER after this b/c I ended up stabbing myself in my palm with my nails when I was fighting. Some guy was dressed as a spider didn& #39;t know what was happening.
He made the mistake of running up behind me and scaring the fuck out of me when I turned around and there was a man-sized spider behind me. So I pushed him, and he fell into the dude that was running around outside with that fake chainsaw shit.
My dude at the time was trying to control me and make me calm down but nope, he got slapped too.
FINALLY, someone came thru the side flap and yanked me out of there. I thought it was him being nice BUT it was him taking me to the MPs b/c apparently, punching soldiers is frowned upon. My date was friends with one of the MPs and I totally used my white girl tears.
So, instead of being in a lot of trouble, I got escorted past a line of like 100 people out to my car and had to sit there with them for 45mins while they made sure I didn& #39;t go back on base until my friends finished going thru the rest of the haunted house.
While we were out there, the dude in the spider costume came out there and tried to get in my face about pushing him and of course SPIDER and I tried to fight him again but apparently, that was still frowned upon.
So, I had to leave the whole ass premises and go sit at a McDonald& #39;s up the road with one of the MPs sitting there in his car to make sure I didn& #39;t go back and my friends were driven up to the McDonald& #39;s to meet me.
At the end of the day, I feel as if I was wronged and made to miss out on the rest of a fun experience with my friends b/c the soldiers couldn& #39;t control themselves to not throw plastic spiders at people for laughs.
I also learned that I& #39;m much better at fighting when I have a weapon like a brick or a knife or a car to run someone over b/c stabbing yourself in the hand with your own nails is no bueno.
