we need to address mlmphobia within stan twt : a thread

// mlmphobia, lgbtphobia, f slur and nsfw mentioned throughout

first of all, i’m writing this as a trans bi man, so there will be some things i can’t speak for, such as nblm or gaylm topics, as i’m gonna try my best here to not speak over anyone. i’ve consulted some of my friends, both wlw and mlm, and asked them for their input, as i ++

wanted to ensure i wasn’t overstepping when speaking about other parts of the lgbt community in passing. before i continue, it’s important to note wlw and mlm issues are not parallels of each other, as misogyny plays a huge part in discrimination towards wlw, and this thread ++

is in no way ignoring, belittling or speaking over that. i’m in no place to speak on issues concerning wlw, so if anyone feels like what i’m saying is overstepping in any way, please tell me, as i’m trying my best to avoid this. that being said, onto the thread itself.

1) for starters, it’s so normalised for non-mlm to throw around mlm specific terms, even derogatory ones. the amount of people who aren’t mlm that i’ve seen use terms that only mlm have a right to reclaim makes me really uncomfortable. i see this mainly with twink and fruity.

if you’re not mlm, you’re in no place to use these terms. furthermore, faggot isn’t a slur the whole community can use, stop speaking over mlm when we tell you what’s mlmphobic. i suggest reading this carrd about mlm terms and the history behind them. https://mlmslurs.carrd.co/ 

2) another thing i see is a lot of double standards between how stan twt reacts to discrimination against wlw, vs how they react when it’s against mlm. i’m glad people condemn wlwphobia, and i’ll continue to support that, obviously. i’m also gonna say here do not use what i’m ++

about to say to excuse wlwphobia. discrimination against any parts of the community is disgusting, and should always be fought against by all of us. leading on from this though, a lot of us project onto our idols and say stuff like ‘bang chan bi’ for example. this is always ++

okay assuming what you’re taking comfort in is a part of YOUR community. if a non-wlw were to say something along the lines of ‘bora lesbian’, that’s where i’ve seen it’s made wlw uncomfortable, and rightfully so, because non-wlw have no place in wlw spaces. but, when non-mlm ++

say things like ‘daehwi gay’ everyone treats this as normalised. you should hold discrimination against all parts of the community to an equal standard, if you’re not mlm, don’t invade our safe spaces and/or fetishise things we take comfort in, it’s not hard.

side note to this, just because you’re lgbt doesn’t mean you can’t be mlmphobic. if you’re not mlm and you discriminate against us in any way, you’re just as mlmphobic as a straight person doing the same thing. you don’t get a free pass just because you’re not cishet.

3) carrying on from that point, if you’re not mlm it’s really creepy to be calling men ‘gay little boys.’ i’ve seen a few people do this, and as i said, calling idols lgbt? that’s never a problem! but it gets creepy when you start to infantilise and fetishise us, and ++

reduce us just to our sexuality. if someone who wasn’t mlm called me a ‘gay little boy’ it’d make me extremely uncomfortable, it’s condescending and makes me feel really gross, please stop.

// nsfw

4) for the love of god, if you’re not mlm, please stop writing mlm smut, and sexualising the bare minimum between two men. for starters, not everything mlm do is sexual, and sexualising mlm relationships is extremely harmful and creepy, especially when myself and many ++

// nsfw

other mlm on stan twt are minors. secondly, if you’re not mlm why are you writing smut about two men?... non-mlm do not belong in mlm safe spaces, and sexual relations between two men do not exist for your pleasure / fantasies, it’s creepy as fuck, there’s plenty of ++

// nsfw

nsfw content that would be targeted towards non-mlm, so there’s no good reason for you to be writing / consuming nsfw mlm content, it makes me and so many other mlm really fucking uncomfortable.

5) a lot of people use ‘i hate men’ jokes as a coping mechanism, and there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. as i’m not a lesbian, i can’t speak for, or over them, and i understand those jokes help a lot of people to cope. there are certain contexts where this can harm ++

trans men and mlm, however. for example, actively shaming mlm for liking men, and saying things like ‘imagine being attracted to men’ in response to mlm speaking about their sexuality IS homophobic. using ‘i hate men’ as a coping mechanism? yeah of course that’s okay! it’s ++

just when you shame mlm for liking men, and shame trans men for being men, is when it can start to be harmful, as these people have often taken a lot of time and effort to try and accept themselves, the last thing they need is hatred from their own community.

this thread isn’t me saying non-mlm can’t casually ship mlm pairings, it’s not me telling you to stop supporting mlm content whatsoever, and i’m not saying it’s harmful to appreciate woosan every now and then. what i’m asking is that non-mlm stop using our terms/slurs, that ++

you stop fetishising us, and reducing us to some sort of fantasy, that you stop with the double standards, and stand up for us when we’re being blatantly discriminated against. stop normalising mlm fetishisation and mlmphobia, it’s not okay, and it never has been.

of course i can’t speak for every mlm / nblm person, some people may be fine with some of the things i mentioned, some may be uncomfortable with things that i haven’t even included here, but it doesn’t matter if it’s every mlm you’re making uncomfortable or just ten of us, if ++

you’re not mlm, listen when we tell you something is harmful, educate yourself, and learn from it. if you’re not sure if something is going to make mlm uncomfortable, then ask, and remember we’re all different people with different experiences, it takes seconds to check if ++

somebody is comfortable with something. thank you for taking the time to read this, if anyone has any questions or if i missed anything here, feel free to let me know !!

hi if you’re gonna qrt please don’t do it on priv :( this does make me extremely anxious so please don’t do that /srs