Read on Twitter
I have been struggling with self worth lately.
I was raised to believe that what you accomplished, what you amassed, and what you looked like was more important than personal happiness. I believed that what you DID (or had) mattered more than who you were.
I was raised to believe that what you accomplished, what you amassed, and what you looked like was more important than personal happiness. I believed that what you DID (or had) mattered more than who you were.
I have two BAs and a Master& #39;s degree. I was a very successful middle school teacher, ASB advisor, coach, and mentor. I taught for eleven years and subbed for two more. I worked every weekend and brought home grading most nights. I hosted dances and holiday bazaars.
Now, I am home. I am always home.
This is only the first week of both kids being completely homeschooled without any real support from the school district. It is only Wednesday and I am sitting here wondering how I& #39;m going to survive until June.
This is only the first week of both kids being completely homeschooled without any real support from the school district. It is only Wednesday and I am sitting here wondering how I& #39;m going to survive until June.
I am *not* a domestic goddess. I never, ever wanted to be a stay at home mom. It was actually the one job that I didn& #39;t want. Looking back, I think it has a lot to do with how I was raised to accept the fact that "women& #39;s work" was just part of owning a uterus.
Now, thanks to COVID, I am a stay at home mom and a stay at home teacher. I keep the house clean. I run the errands. I do 90% of the yard work. I manage the kids& #39; medical appointments and school meetings. I am trying to figure out a way to do school with my kids
in a way that actually teaches them something engaging for them and manageable for me. They are two completely different learners with their own set of challenges. 11... well, I talk about her a lot. ADHD, DMDD, and severe anxiety. Getting anything academic
accomplished during the day is a win.
8 loathes starting school and [literally] every day starts with him stomping and growling at me.
I feel like I spend all day diffusing other people& #39;s emotions and nagging them to do stuff they they don& #39;t want to do. It isn& #39;t the greatest
8 loathes starting school and [literally] every day starts with him stomping and growling at me.
I feel like I spend all day diffusing other people& #39;s emotions and nagging them to do stuff they they don& #39;t want to do. It isn& #39;t the greatest
feeling.
I don& #39;t want to go back to teaching. I know that homeschooling is what is best for us, at least for now, but that doesn& #39;t get rid of the feeling of worthlessness. I am not contributing financially to our family for the first time in my life.
I don& #39;t want to go back to teaching. I know that homeschooling is what is best for us, at least for now, but that doesn& #39;t get rid of the feeling of worthlessness. I am not contributing financially to our family for the first time in my life.
The only adult I see most days is my husband. His job is insanely stressful, especially right now. He leaves at 6am and works until 4pm and is on call the rest of the time. He is constantly dealing with international or multi-million dollar orders and is in charge of
what feels like everything. So when I have a hot political take or get whiny because of the kids, I often feel really silly even bringing it up. I feel less like a whole person than I have in a long time. I feel dumb bringing it up to my husband because of what he deals with
on a daily basis. Everything I do and feel just seems trivial. This is the stuff I used to talk to my girlfriends about but those relationships aren& #39;t available to me anymore. I can& #39;t just vent to someone when I& #39;m feeling shitty. The only person I can completely confide in is my
therapist but that means I get two conversations a month to get out all of the stress and anxiety in my heart.
This is small shit compared to what a lot of my friends on here are dealing with right now but if I didn& #39;t write it out, I think I would explode.
This is small shit compared to what a lot of my friends on here are dealing with right now but if I didn& #39;t write it out, I think I would explode.
Things will be fine. I recognize that this is stress from all of the above plus the existential dread that gets heavier every day as we close in on election night. I feel like I& #39;ve been living in fight/flight/freeze (which for me, means freeze) for weeks now.
I will be fine. This stuff never lasts but it fucking sucks being waist deep in emotions and having no where to put them. Time to quit crying so I can start fresh with my therapist in ten minutes.
Thanks for letting me vent, Twitter fam.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🖤" title="Schwarzes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Schwarzes Herz">
Thanks for letting me vent, Twitter fam.
If you want more info on my parenting adventures.. https://twitter.com/HighnessOphelia/status/1258391297901031430?s=19">https://twitter.com/HighnessO...
i heart you.
