Per @Caulimovirus’s request, I shall post more about the kidneys:

The kidneys are more commonly known as “the parotids of the retroperitoneum” because of their similar primary function, to convert blood into something much grosser that no one wants to touch

Much like the parotids, kidneys commonly suck at their jobs and make stones known as “the sialoliths of the pee ducts”.

Urologists have lazily stolen many techniques for stone retrieval from sialendoscopists (the true geniuses) including laser lithotripsy, wire basket, & scopes

Another major function of the kidneys is to fuck up for seemingly no reason in post-op inpatients, requiring the surgical residents to do math before consulting medicine to add the patient to the transplant list, or whatever it is they do with a FENa

The physiology of the nephron is fascinating, containing many plus signs and even some minus signs when you look at the diagram.

The efferent and efferent arterioles definitely do some squeezing thing where it does something unexpected to GFR, I am pretty sure I remember.

Clearly this is a typo. Also I mistakenly failed to point out the most fascinating part of renal physiology: all those arrows in the diagram! Like, woah dude, where is everything GOING!

For some reason, kidneys are allergic to some of the best medications, including Unasyn — the only known antibiotic — and NSAIDs. The latter is of lesser consequence as the blood is also allergic to NSAIDs & leaks out of our beautiful surgery holes, so honestly fuck NSAIDs anyway

The kidneys and the heart work in tandem to create a homeostatic fluid balance for the head and neck. Unfortunately, when this delicate dance is interrupted, these two secondary organs bicker like children and we are forced to pull the car over, abandon it & call 911 AKA medicine

Embryologically, the kidneys are derived from some placodes or myosomes or something, and much like ENTs, nephrologists are forced to pretend to care about this around the time of boards.

“Embryology is key to understanding renal physiology,” someone smart has presumably said.

Y’all mfers better still be reading this thread because this is A LOT of words I’ve typed and I did it for the dopamine hit. Don’t be stingy now.

Creatinine is often used as a surrogate for renal function. A sudden rise in Cr may indicate a kidney problem, but more commonly indicates a sharp increase in muscle mass. Thus, when your 90 y/o F patient’s Cr spikes to 2.17, you should always congratulate her on her sick gains.

The kidneys are actually thralls to the parathyroid, who tell the kidneys how to do their job: how much phosphate to trash & how much calcium to hoard. When kidneys revolt, the parathyroids assert their dominance by going super-Saiyan in a process called 2° Hyperparathyroidism

In fact, if the kidneys piss off their bosses too much, the parathyroids will continue to scream their alphaness into the abyss even after the striking kidney has been replaced by a scab (AKA transplant). This is called 3° Hyperparathyroidism and is extremely alpha