OKAY. OKAY.

This is for the wordsmiths!

For years, I've been looking for a word or phrase to specifically describe that wondrous but uncanny sensation of stepping into an unremarkably familiar space, and suddenly finding that it is changed, awash in an inexplicable novelty.

I searched languages that were more sincere in their expression of sensation and emotion than English, which lies about those things. I'd hoped that Arabic, German, or Bambara covered it. I don't speak any of those, so I prolly shouldn't be surprised I was unsuccessful.

I've been basically haunted by this my whole life. The first time I remember feeling it, I was a kid. I had just put on my first pair of glasses. I could SEE. The next time, I was still a kid, sobbing and shakily disembarking from that amusement park nightmare, the Rainbow.

The first time I remember feeling it as an adult was...*ahem* stepping outside of my paramour's apartment building for a smoke after making love for about 14 hours.

LOL. Anyway.

Getting off that amusement park ride, I remember feeling SO GRATEFUL that I wasn't dead. It was a warm day, but my teeth were chattering, and my knees were trembling. As I descended the stairs off the ride, and my friends acted like they didn't know me, EVERYTHING looked changed.

Having that cigarette, I felt deeply contented and...safe. I'd just had dope but maybe unnecessarily athletic sex with a man who I was crazy about, who was crazy about me. I was so satisfied and pleased that it radiated from me. And when I looked up at the sky, it was changed.

Welp, today, I accidentally stumbled on it: jamais vu. Which I really should have known, since I have some French. It's literally just the opposite of deja vu. I figured it would have some kinda reference to magic or a fairy, but, nope. Just jamais vu. Who knew?