Thread by @abundantcow, a very long thread about actually feeling like I've been a Cathoclic [...]

a very long thread about actually feeling like I& #39;ve been a Cathoclic and how I can& #39;t be part of something in which people don& #39;t really beleive. secrecy in faiths/religions, w and lots of other things. I want to share not for opininions. https://twitter.com/abundantcow/status/1321050208294371328">https://twitter.com/abundantc...

https://twitter.com/abundantcow/status/1321050208294371328

but maybe someone will get some insight into a situation. I think also telling for me (I& #39;ve been thinking about this a while obviously in my own very subtle way, which is how I do a lot of things) but yesterdays conversation obviously helped me finish processing.

I think the fact that I was afraid to even tell anyone what I& #39;d finally conclusively reflected on last night and this morning because I didn& #39;t want to make the Church look bad was already like no Red Flag. About my relatioships I& #39;m very secretive because I want to protect them.

But if you part of a group and anytime you have an experience (not even a grievance but an experience) and you want to share it with the world you feel like you shouldn& #39;t because "you& #39;ll embarrass them", that& #39;s not a good sign. I value FREE self expression in my relationships.

I& #39;ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship, maybe thats why. I think it may just be part of how I was born. But overall I just started feeling really controlled the deeper I went into RCIA. till now, till the really cool conversation I had on my timeline yesterday.

Maybe not feeling controlled but like I was walking into this place where I wouldn& #39;t be able to express my emotions, I& #39;d constantly feel like I& #39;ll embarass the familly-that& #39;s something absuers to.I can now totally see how abuse takes place in the Church.

I& #39;m a firm believer (maybe more than some in Church but I& #39;ll touch on that just now). but just no. This is not a good situation. Maybe other churches are like this but right now I& #39;m speaking of my RCIA journey.

I beleive too. Why do I need to be part of something? Second of all. I feel to beleive what the Church proposes you have to already have that epistemelogical orientation-and that& #39;s not something you& #39;re baptised into. By epistomlogical orientation I just mean what you beleive

Is possible naturally. As well as how you know/make sense of situatoins. As you can tell by this thread I use feelings, and my heart a lot. I genuinely belevie in miracles. I genuinely beleive Mary was the mother of Jesus. And she is Queen of Heaven. It& #39;s not a metaphor to me.

The reason that& #39;s possible is because I believe as Africans we still have that part in us that doesn& #39;t need everything to be rationalized or fit into what we see face to face. We can engage our ratoinal, & #39;emotional& #39; parts appropriately.

I think COVID is a good example/why to maybe explain what I mean. In the west COVID is just scientific. It& #39;s biology it& #39;s a disease. Hence they trying to "scientifically" make sense of why we Africans aren& #39;t dying. In Africa we& #39;ve been able to hold fast I beleive because we

Can accept that we don& #39;t know what this disease is. the Africans (whatever your skin colour too) will know what I mean. And rather than try to fix it in it& #39;s entirety we are learning to live with it. Whether that& #39;s using old remedies when we get a sniffle or humour.

This aceptance of the inxeplicable, of certain things as just part of life (not to say we& #39;re just submissive and resigned) is an important part of faith, and moving forward.

If the Catholics don& #39;t LITERARLLY beleive what they say they beleive. Or they see it as just a metaphor, if they don& #39;t live it from their heart but from a rational place of doctrine, instruction what& #39;s the point.

What& #39;s the point of forming community based on a certain belief in which you don& #39;t really believe what you say you believe, literally. e.g if You don& #39;t LITERALLY beleive in the healing power of communion with the divine- AND in WHATEVER form. that means you don& #39;t beleive

in God& #39;s presence in everyday life. Why should it only be through YOUR church and YOUR tradition and YOUR specific rituals? True Africans (sorry to say it this way but can& #39;t think of another word) we won& #39;t say oh herbal medicine heals but Yoga doesn& #39;t.

We truly beleive in the prevailing power of God through ANY ritual done with right intent (in my opinion). Wich is why me peronally I do beleive you can be the practicing member of a denomination or body specifically in my case Catholic, you can be Chrirstian without any religion

I think also to question why churches ask so much of us. To ask whether it is okay we sometimes feel scared to share threads like the ones I& #39;m sharing. Which is why I& #39;m sharing it. Wether religion is okay unelss its & #39;executors& #39; have a fine udnerstanding of power dynamics.

Anwyay I hope this makes someone feel like they have some insight. For me I think I& #39;m happy continuing to live in an in between space. I don& #39;t want to spend my life in a community in which everything pertaining to inner life-love, faith, etc is just metaphorical. im good thanks.

Again, meaningful comments welcome

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