During this #AsexualAwarenessWeek I’d like to remind everyone that there is a difference between waiting until a relationship is serious to have sex and not having sexual attraction at all until a close emotional bond is formed.

Demisexuality is when a person don’t have sexual attraction unless they have a close emotional bond with a person, and then it is only towards that person. Some demis have sex. Some don’t. Sexual attraction isn’t the only reason to have sex.

One of the things that tipped me off that I was demi was that I realized outside of a serious relationship or close bond, I just didn’t have sexual attraction. I would realize when I was single that I didn’t have it. Like it just - wasn’t there.

I had a lot of sex I felt completely neutral towards because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. One thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that if you just don’t feel into it, it probably means you’re not, and that’s okay.

Like - it’s a revolutionary idea for me even now as I write about this?? - but it’s true. You are worth more than sex. Casual hookups are fine - but you also deserve to see yourself as a person even if you say yes to casual sex.

Saying yes to sex because you want and like it and saying yes because you just feel like it’s expected are two different things. You are allowed to say no if you don’t want it - for any reason at any time. Regardless of what you think is expected. You are ALLOWED to say no.

Anyway, just, to summarize - you don’t have to say yes to sex because you feel like it’s expected or because you feel like “well I had attraction once, maybe I will again?” You can say yes or no for whatever reason you want - attraction or no.

And if you’re demisexual, it’s okay if you aren’t sexually attracted to your partner at first, or ever. You’re not lying. You’re saying “hey, this is who I am, and this is what I feel now. I may or may not feel that later.”

Ace week is for us, too. Demisexual is an ace identity. Demisexuality is a real thing- even if it’s a lesser known thing. People not always knowing about something doesn’t mean it stops existing.

You’re allowed to be your demi self. You’re a real person with a real orientation that really exists. However you live - please make sure you’re asking yourself if what’s expected of you is what you actually want. And if it’s not, it’s okay to say no. Always.

And ALSO yes, sone demis enjoy casual sex - just as some enjoy masturbation. There are plenty of reasons outside of “I’m sexually attracted to them” to have sex. Sometimes you just like how it feels.

Demis who aren’t sexually attracted to their hookups who have casual sex are still demi - they’re just having sex for a reason that isn’t sexual attraction. I’m not one of these people but I know they exist. Just more proof that demi ≠ not wanting casual sex.

TLDR is that demis are here. We’re real. We really do exist. Just because we don’t exist how you expect us to doesn’t mean we aren’t real.

Happy ace week.