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Fabulous article about ambiguity, cohabitation transitions, and life plans. And likely about asymmetrical commitment. I have some thoughts. By @LoriGottlieb1
[Thank you @billcoffin for drawing my attention to it!] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/dear-therapist-my-boyfriend-sending-me-mixed-signals/616847/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share
[Thank you @billcoffin for drawing my attention to it!] https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/dear-therapist-my-boyfriend-sending-me-mixed-signals/616847/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share
This therapist's advice is money. And I mean in the "right on point" type of way. She digs right in on what I think of as all the right questions. Like, carving the edges in exactly the right places.
Bet she's great at perfectly carving a turkey. Right for the joints.
Bet she's great at perfectly carving a turkey. Right for the joints.
Red flags:
1. Fully living together was precipitated by an external cause (lease up, pandemic). However, there was a discussion and decision. Not a total slide.
2. Boyfriend is repeatedly surprised that she's thinking about more of a future. Asymmetrical nudging is not great.
1. Fully living together was precipitated by an external cause (lease up, pandemic). However, there was a discussion and decision. Not a total slide.
2. Boyfriend is repeatedly surprised that she's thinking about more of a future. Asymmetrical nudging is not great.
Red flags cont'd:
3. Best relationship she's ever been in but she's deeply worried about a foundation that's not in place.
4. Fear of bringing up the important things directly. Ambiguity propelled by fear of the answer. [This is legit really hard and catches many people.]
3. Best relationship she's ever been in but she's deeply worried about a foundation that's not in place.
4. Fear of bringing up the important things directly. Ambiguity propelled by fear of the answer. [This is legit really hard and catches many people.]
Therapist advice is so good:
1. talk
2. press for answers [risk the loss; & now is better than later]
3. compatibility is not all about shared interests--also about a shared vision about commitment
4. is he hesitant about her vision for a type of future or that future with her?
1. talk
2. press for answers [risk the loss; & now is better than later]
3. compatibility is not all about shared interests--also about a shared vision about commitment
4. is he hesitant about her vision for a type of future or that future with her?
This article is all about how to have the most challenging type of DTR talk.
Define. The. Relationship. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/dear-therapist-my-boyfriend-sending-me-mixed-signals/616847/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share
Define. The. Relationship. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/10/dear-therapist-my-boyfriend-sending-me-mixed-signals/616847/?utm_source=atl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=share
"Anything that constrains your options, or your partner’s, limits the information contained in the choices you make. ...some people may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners and think that something may signal commitment when it does not." https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201707/3-true-signs-relationship-commitment
