When a man lied to me viciously and repeatedly, our shared friends made it clear that their interest lay not with my pain and my needs. They cared more for the stability of the group we shared, and their social place in it.

I've become suspicious that "friendship" is a big lie.

I'm trying to deconstruct the notion of friendship.

What do I want from that relationship?

I have a bad trait of forgetting I'm allowed to want things in a relationship, and immediately switch to meeting others' wants and need.

What do you want in a friend?

I know this is important to me: a creative friend I can trust to listen, ask questions to prompt me to find my own answers, and not tell me what to do with my storytelling.

I've provided this to others, many times, but I've never enjoyed reciprocation.