How can Tharn not trust Type after knowing him for 7 yrs?

(or)
 
Give the man a bloody break: he's practically a PTSD veteran

An opinion thread+

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TW: CSA / noncon

This is Tharn. Middle kid. Kinda ignored when his lil sis was born. But he adjusted.

Tharn was cute-tiny @ 14, which caught the eye of this guy.

Immediate result: Boinking in the music room.

Future results: Tharn
- Never bottomed again
- Learnt great (NOT) lessons abt consent

This is Tharn's family. So understanding and liberal, he came out to them early.

Also so clueless!

His bro Thorn (16), just punched San (16) n allowed him to stay over every week

His parents, who never questioned why their sons were uncomfortable when San dropped in every year

Tharn age 16-18, with a number of affairs that always ended in him being jilted with flimsy reasons.

Tharn age 17-18, in a 1-yr r'ship with Tar. V happy with him, until one day Tar too dumped Tharn. Without giving reason.

Tharn also lost his pal Tum. Beloved band too broke up.

After this, Tharn was celibate of 6 months bcos he was just done with all the heartache.

Then Tharn met this guy. His name is Type.

For first few weeks, Type was v friendly with Tharn.

For next few weeks, Type committed hate crimes and made Tharn feel like crap for being gay.

drunk!Tharn then loses his temper & brain & kisses asleep!Type & corners him in shower room.

Luckily (want of a better word) this awakened the sleeping gay in Type.
~I'll fight u if u say Tharn 'turned' Type, they're not vampires~

Then Type says, 'Misekagunoi' or 'Let's boink.'

So Tharn becomes Type's s*x friend.

Tharn, being a masochist softie, falls for rude!Type

Type also seems to like Tharn bcos he smiles at him now-n-then & says mushy stuff like, "Join me for brekkie?"

Then Type sets boundaries (finally ) after punching Tharn in the mouth.

So Tharn's like, "Huh you need just my body, not my heart? oh ok... sure, I'll agree to your proposal bcos if that's the only I can be with u, I'll take it. Yeah, I'm that desperate for you. Maybe you'll change your mind once you realise how much I wuv you."

Then Type does this.

Thank GOD Type's pecker refuses to work on poor PuiFai. So he goes back to Tharn & says "We can be together. But I'm not gay, no homo bro."

Then Tharn says,"Let's move into a condo with thicker walls! I'll pay rent."

Type replies, "Whatevs."

So they move & hav 24/7 loud s*x

Then P'San makes a cameo bcos he's extra like that and paws at Tharn throughout lunch and Type gets major!Jelly and blackmails Tharn.

(AN: Type, you li'l bijj )

Then Tharn shows some rarely-seen backbone when it's abt Type. He also reveals the word he hates most: "breakup".

Then Type says "Sorry boo, I won't do it again."

Also Type when he can't use words to communicate (pfa)

But Tharn is okay, y'all. He LOVES Type & he doesn't hav anymore bandwidth (or sanity) left to handle more heartache. He'll tolerate anything if it means he can be with Type.

Tharn is now GONE for Type. Type *may* like him too (yay).

Then one day, this guy comes back in Tharn's life. Tharn is a bit shaken but soon finds his bearings and tells his first love to take a hike. 

But uh oh, Type sees that messed-up bar convo & pursues the matter until...

Type learns the truth about Tharn's bestie, Lhong... A k a The One behind all the past pain Tharn went through.

Type then thinks of the best plan ever: Hotel room drama! Entrap Lhong! Save Tar!

Also, does not involve Tharn in this bcos whyyyy Type does what he wants he is Type!

Who cares about Tharn's war flashbacks on hearing the B word?

Result? This award-winning scene. 

or

The One where Tharn's worst nightmare comes true.

So let's recap: Tharn's life experience

- Often ignored as a middle child
- Seduced at 14 (& still had to see P'San treated like a 3rd son in his home)
- All his bfs kept ditching him
- Fell in love with a nice boy who loved him back... but also dumped him suddenly after a year

- In the resulting mess, lost a close friend; beloved band broke up
- Subjected to hate crimes by roomie
- Subjected to love torture by roomie
- Dumped by said roomie bcos he could not handle Tharn's 'slutty' past
- Learns his first love was g-r*ped... as per his bestie's orders

- Learnt bestie is a psycho
- Currently in a r'ship with a CSA survivor/problem child who doesn't like to communicate & often hit him

Pls fill me in if I missed anything.

I'm pretty sure even half of this list is enough to give lifelong scars and trust issues to a human being?

Now here's the actual point of this thread:

Tharn never got therapy for all this accumulated past trauma.

Tharn never even had close pals to unburden to. He could only rely so much on his fam.

Atleast Type had ChampNo as a support system.

Tharn's support system was... Type

Now, for some hard truths. The crack part of this thread is done now, But I'll try my best not to get too gloomy. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (ptsd) is real. Even if it's not clinically diagnosed, even if the person appears to be an adult capable of performing well in his+

personal & professional life, it can remain alive inside.

PTSD is 'treatable', yes, but not curable. For something that happed over 25 yrs ago, I'm still in therapy (though it's now on maintenance mode). Bcos memories cannot be erased and live in your subconscious, you have to +

do constant work, with a good, qualified therapist & make sure these scars don't keep insidiously interfering in ur present/future.

PTSD is not always visible to the eye. All my pals come to me for advice bcos I'm always smiley & positive.

I hav both PTSD & clinical depression.

Don't think just bcos Tharn was a confident gay, his mental health was perfect.

The years I functioned without therapy, my life was in shambles. But when I got therapy, my life turned around.

No, I didn't become overnight-ok. Abused people can never be. But therapy taught me+

how to live with a reality where I'll never be 100%.

Therapy taught me how to unlearn horrible lessons from my past, to balance and judge people & relationships on healthy parameters, not on my skewed, low self-worth.

Tharn never had that. He is a functioning, festering wound.

Tharn....

His oldest scars - untreated, lying dormant in his unconscious, slowly festering. 

His biggest fear - Type will leave him... again. 

Fast forward 7 yrs: Tharn sees his brother getting married. Naturally, he wants such a happy future for himself & his sweetheart too.

Why delay? Tharn knows he wants to be with Type forever. So he proposes Type.

To which Type replies: "Stop pestering me all the time. We are men, how can we marry?"

Type also has other reasons, but he doesn't say them to Tharn. Bcos communication is not cool... not for P'Type.+

Type deserves his own thread for walking around like a simmering volcano (again, no therapy), but for now, he is okay with the status quo. Why spoil a good thing? Thailand tolerates gay couples, but why risk exposure in a conservative soverign where gay marriage is still illegal?

Type's perspective here, while extra, is not abnormal.

Here's a spoiler thread if you wanna know more reasons why Type doesn't want to have a marriage commitment. https://twitter.com/gulfkzone/status/1320367314911412225

If you ask *my* extra opinion, I'd say: most CSA survivors don't cotton up to happy endings as canon. They may hope for it but they never really expect it.

They once trusted a person who shattered & scarred their life forever. So they learn never to trust anything in totality.

The present is a much assured, safer place than some dim, distant future. So I understand why Type doesn't want to fix something that ain't broken yet.

But Tharn's fears are totally different. Remember, Type has proved to Tharn before: if it comes to a serious issue, Type will+

stop at NOTHING to find a solution. He will go to any extent... including giving up Tharn.

Maybe this makes Type awesome, but all it made Tharn is to be even more terrified of abandonment.

Bcos Tharn *knows* Type won't relent, even if he went down on his knees & begged Type.

Type once said this while breaking Tharn's heart (ep 11): "Which of your exes will come tomm and beg you?"

Now, it's Tharn's turn: What if Type decides to be a noble idiot in the future for some reason & ditches Tharn?

Tharn fears this side of Type; it's this side he mistrusts.

Tharn craves security and permanence, bcos all his life, people had been either ditching or betraying him. 

Marriage is security. Sure, it's not unbreakable, but marriage makes you whole if you are a romantic. Tharn is one. 

Type is not one, and never has been.

Type doesn't talk. Type prefers to boink & forget his scars, so we also know what these boneheads were doing for 7 years in their free time (apart from studying and working full time)

Tharn too loves to boink Type, so we have two morons who don't communicate outside the bedroom.

In every long-term r'ship, a significant rift crops up eventually & pushes a couple to face the issues they've conveniently avoided in their combined past. The common word for this thing is 7-year-itch.

Skeptics may dismiss this as a myth but longterm couples know this as truth.

Plain fact: If you refuse to learn life lessons voluntarily, life will teach you those same lessons sooner or later, where you'll be an involuntary student.

For Type and Tharn, their moment of reckoning, their final test of faith in each other, is what Season 2 is all about

Type has to let go of his fears and trust in Tharn's love; in his own love too, as something that's strong enuf to weather hurdles. 

Tharn has to learn to let go of his fears and trust in Type's love even if a mischief maker like Fiat (or Benz or Ferrari) appears between them.

They both have to learn that mutual communication comes first, even before s*x. 

This obv would be a hard lesson to learn for Tharn & Type who have always had one fail-safe thing to connect them together - the bed.

But they HAVE to... that's their journey, in Season 2!

Without flawed heroes who learn to go from wrong to right in such a journey, there can be no plot. Or shows/books/films.

Conflict makes a show worth enjoying. No one wants to just watch MLs coo at each other 24/7. Well, maybe kids?

TharnType is 18+ rating. Kids are not invited.

Note: TharnType are not your usual cookiecutter BL couple.

What takes a typical couple 7 years to learn something, will take these boneheads longer... bcos they're not typical. They're both abuse survivors trying to lead a life with just their damaged perspectives to guide them.

AN: Can someone in TV land make Therapy as canon in complex dramas like TharnType? PLEASE!

If you think Tharn never had it as bad as Type so why should you have any sympathy for him as an abuse survivor, read my analysis about Tharn's past abuse here. https://twitter.com/adishakthihere/status/1317465419779899394

If you want to know more on how Tharn's teenaged life aged 16-19 was screwed up and his mental health compromised by his best friend's diabolical actions, read this excellent thread by Fai.  https://twitter.com/faillendown/status/1307835286785871872

So, those who bash Tharn as 'shallow' or 'stupid' for not trusting Type even though he knew him for 7 years - I request you to jump off a cliff, take a good bath in the waters below and cleanse all the cobwebs on your mind.

Real world is more than your single note perspective.

This thread is not meant to offend anyone. It's my own personal opinion. I'm allowed to have one on my tl.

I'm not an expert on CSA but have survived it so I felt compelled to write this. 

If you don't agree to this op thread, it's ok. You're allowed to have your opinion too

If you're abusive to me over this or leave toxic messages, I will block you without reading them and report you. I'm an actual adult handling job commitments, housework, eldercare, along with maintaining my own physical & mental health. I don't have time for your nonsense, sorry.

If you're polite & willing to listen to views other than your own, I'll bend over backwards to connect with you.

You are the future. Make it better. Don't cancel bcos it's trendy to be like that. Don't judge without looking under the surface.

Be kind. Be open-minded. Thank you.

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