#todobaku

You didn't look my way when I wanted you to.

You treated me like I was barely worth shit. You fought like I was dust— inconsequential, easy to forget.

Now, you act like we're friends. You say that we're close.

"Then go out with me, halfie bastard."
If you think we're close, then how much closer can that be? Though, you probably don't get what that even means, dull bastard that you are.

I didn't think you'd agree so easily.

"Okay," you said.

You were staring at me when you said so. Looking at me (finally).
I walked away.

You let me.

I didn't think anything of your acceptance (it wouldn't be the first time for you to be half-hearted with me), but I should have.

Everyone already knew that we were "dating" the day after.

(You and your big damn mouth.)
I'm no coward, and I'm no liar either.

Dunce face said, "How would Bakugou even be like as a boyfriend?"

His face said everything I needed to know.

He doubted I'd be good enough for you. Probably thought I couldn't make you happy.
Even if I didn't like you like that, it wasn't like dating required a depth of feelings.

I just had to make you happy. That'd show them, and you— I'm not someone you can underestimate.

You'd be the happiest dumbass to be in a relationship, beating all those extras out there.
I did things for you that I wouldn't have done for anyone else. I stayed by you, and listened to you even when I didn't always feel like it.

I cooked for you.

I cooked for you just enough that the barely visible smile on your face has started to grow, and grow—
"Todoroki-kun looks happier lately, doesn't he?"

"You gotta hand it to Bakugou," Sero said, throwing me that smug-ass grin of his, "he does make a good boyfriend."

I didn't have to say anything to that.

Just the smile on your face was enough.
Yet in the same vein, for as much as you'd been happier, I just felt even more irritated. Even if I succeeded, even if you were happy as I promised myself you'd be—

I hate it, the way you look at me.

It makes me feel sick.
I'd wanted you to look at me. I wanted you to take me seriously. I wanted you to see me as someone worth a fair fight, someone strong enough to be on your level.

You're looking at me now, but it's not the kind of looking that I want.

You look at me like—
"I like you, Bakugou."

—like you like me.

That's not what I want. I wanted you to look at me, but not like this.

Why couldn't you have been dense for something like this, when you've been dense for everything else?

Why is THIS the thing that stuck with you?
It doesn't take long for you to realize that something's wrong.

You never acted like you gave a damn before this, even in those times that you'd riled me up with your indifference.

I hate this.

(I hate how I let this go on for this long, just because of my pride.)
"Would you like to talk about it? They said communication is important to make relationships work."

You said it so earnestly. Part of me was angry at it, at you, but another part of me felt sorry.

You stupid, stupid bastard.

You really like me, don't you?
"Let's end this."

So you can look that devastated, huh? Even when I'd been as furious and humiliated as I was when you didn't think anything of our fight before—

To think, all it took was a childish crush for you to look that way at me.
"I...did I do something?"

"The relationship ran its course," I say. Even if I'm honest, I've grown up a little better to know that some things didn't have to be said.

It would probably hurt worse if I said that I never really liked you, right?

You don't need to know that.
"I don't understand. If there's something I did, you can tell me, and I—"

"Pleading like this doesn't suit you," I say, standing up.

You just take my hand and hold me back, as if that'll change anything.

(Hell, it just pisses me off even more.)
"Bakugou, I'm serious. Tell me what I did, and I'll fix it. I know I'm not always quick at picking up on things, but I'll do better."

I feel sick. It's hard to breathe.

Why couldn't you have looked at me seriously before? Why did it take such flimsy feelings for you to see me?
I look you in the eye.

You look desperate. You finally look like you feel SOMETHING about me, but it's not the kind of feeling I want.

It's shitty as hell that it's taken me this long to realize that you'll never give me what I want.
"I don't feel like continuing this farce with you anymore," I say. "Don't make it any more difficult than it has to be."

"Farce?" you parrot at me, eyebrows furrowing.

"I just don't like you," I say. "You didn't do shit, and there's nothing you can fix. It's over."
"You were the one who said you wanted to go out with me," you say. Stubborn, with fire in your eyes—

The fire you never gave me when I most wanted it.

"Then it's my mistake."
"...you're treating it as a mistake."

"Because it is," I say. "You can hold that over my head for as long as you want."

You don't look as devastated now as you do look determined.

"I'd rather not break up with you," you tell me.
"You get nothing from pushing this—"

"I get you."

I grit my teeth. There's a hint of bile in the back of my throat that makes me wanna throw up, though I swallow it back.

I didn't think you could reach a new low, but you managed to surprise me today, you bastard.
What was it? What made you decide that I was worth enough to make yourself look pathetic over? Was it the time I made myself spend with you? Was it my cooking?

What was it about me that made me worthy of your humiliation in this moment, when my truth and strength weren't enough?
"I never liked you, even when I told you to go out with me," I finally say. "I didn't even think you'd say yes."

"Then why did you ask?"

I'm not stupid enough to admit that I wanted you to look at me. Stupid enough to ask you out, sure, but not so stupid as to give you bait.
"I thought you wouldn't be so delusional that you'd say yes to a joke."

"You've overextended the joke that it's not funny anymore, Bakugou."

I don't like the certainty that's starting to settle in your eyes.

"What would you know about jokes?"

"Enough."
"I've got nothing else to say to you."

"Then I'll find a way for you to fall in love with me."

I freeze, hand still on the door.

Love? Who said anything about love?
You're already at my back before I can react further. Your body is both cold and warm against me, and I'd hit you with an explosion, but at this proximity—

"You started this, Bakugou. I won't let you end it that easily."

I go cold at the promise in your words.
"You can't force feelings to exist."

You rest your forehead against my shoulder and I make to shrug you off, but your arms around me have forced me still.

"You wanted me to look at you," you say.

I clench my fists, unwilling to show my shock.

"Take responsibility, Bakugou."
"...I'm not lying to you, or myself. I don't like you, and I never will," I say. "Be angry at me, I don't give a shit."

"Then, let me ask you out this time."

I shove you off.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"It's not wrong to love you."
"You're pushing things that aren't meant to be pushed— stop it."

You give me a look like you're sorry for me, when you're the pitiful one.

"You made me look, Bakugou. I looked at you, and I fell in love with you. Why isn't that okay?"
"I don't WANT you to be in love with me," I say, voice raw with anger and frustration. "I wanted you to take me SERIOUSLY! I wanted you to fight me with your all but you couldn't even give me that. It was one thing, Todoroki! One damn thing!"

"Bakugou—"
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