Let me just tell you how my night is going alright?
A thread.

So I’m getting in bed and scrolling through Facebook when all of a sudden I just hear the loudest “mksbfisoajfudiejwkdb” outside my window.
I’m talking it sounds like I’m underwater and people are screaming above me that’s how flipping loud this murmuring is outside my window

My dog is going nuts, pacing around and huffing under his breath and growling and I check my cameras and my 3 20-some Vietnamese neighbors next door are smoking cigarettes and throwing the butts over into our yard and laughing. Mind you it’s 10:30 on a Monday night.

So I’m trying to mind my own business and scroll on my phone until they’re done and I stumble across some photography page, with two people with jack o lanterns on their heads. I figured a cute little Halloween photo shoot.

Wrong.

They start off all cute, holding hands, hugging...then they take the pumpkins off and the girl presses the guy up against a tree and he starts making out with her neck.

Got hot and heavy real quick.

Next couple photos suddenly there’s a black bed in the middle of the woods, girl is in some hella naughty undies and she puts a red blindfold on the guy.

*WHICH ISNT EVEN THE STRANGEST PART*

Girlfriend suddenly has FANG TEETH and stares at his neck and the next photo takes a bite out of his neck.
There’s blood rushing down his neck and her face, she’s looking hella satisfied, he’s looking un-phased.
She’s now licking the blood off her fingers.

Then they start making out.

With blood smeared on his neck.

Blood covering her mouth, and now his mouth as well...

People are saying they’re a sexier version of twilight.

Now he is stripping for her, and her facial expression makes it seem like she just saw a hot dog the size of an eggplant.

Nope. He’s in boxers covered with, yup you guessed it, pumpkins.

Amidst falling down this rabbit hole of a photography session, I realize my crazy neighbors have stopped smoking and gone inside for the night.

Hallelujah.

Continuing...

They make out some more, there’s a few close ups of his butt, and they end with a picture of them covering up their naked bodies with the jack o lanterns that were on their heads in the first photo....

And then I reread the post and find out they were total strangers and this was the first time they ever met.

And the neighbors are back outside smoking again.

Somebody sedate me.