nothing has changed. everything is fundamentally the same as it was yesterday or a week ago.

that's not to say things are good; they're fucking terrible. but they're not any more terrible. there's just less room to lie to ourselves about how bad it is.

i can't fix it. neither can you. there is literally nothing a single person can do to fix this.

if you can leave, you should leave. i can't, so between that and my fundamental powerlessness, i'm going to stop worrying again.

because it's like worrying about an asteroid strike.

lack of worry is not apathy. i'm not hiding. i'm just not allowing this to dominate my life and flood me with cortisol and keep me hyper-vigilant and panicky.

because nothing is actually worse than it was, and my stress spike doesn't accomplish anything positive.

i've had years to find a way to be functional person in our hellscape. transition has cost me basically everything that might have kept me safe from this horror. the past four years have eaten away the foundations of my security.

i have nothing left.

i either chill, or i die.

if you can't cope, that's more than okay; that's expected, that's reasonable. of course you can't cope. how could any person who's threatened by where we are right now?

this became my guiding principle after 2016:

"i cannot fix this. i must not blame myself for that."

I cannot fix this.

I must not blame myself for that.