Thread by @MeshalAlfahad, Okay this was a very weird and long shower thought, but bear [...]

Okay this was a very weird and long shower thought, but bear with me, it gets good and I feel is insightful

Imagine we lived in a world where if we harmed ourselves or others, we’d have to carry around invisible weights made of flesh wherever we go.

What we carry would depend on the amount and kind of harm done. Over time, the load rots and emits a pungent smell.

Imagine, we don’t know where odor is coming from. We sense the rotting stench following and surrounding us. We become so conscious of it. We begin to think it’s part of us.

The thing is, we still have to continue living in and seeking acceptance and success in society.

We’d do everything we can to cover the smell, so we can function normally with others.

We’d put on new clothes, new perfumes, go to places that have a lot of distracting fragrances so we and others don’t notice the rot following us around.

Gradually with time, we’d get used to disguising the foul smell and forget about it because it’s covered up well.

But whenever we go to a place that’s neutral, or we’re by ourselves, or if we don’t find new ways to cover up our scent, we begin to notice the rot coming up again.

It makes us self conscious again and uncomfortable. We’d have to start moving again. Changing things up again.

Eventually, we’d become so good at covering up, it becomes easier to live a normal life.

In this imagined world, we all try to find ways smell better. We’d prefer anything other than that awfulness when we’re alone.

One day, we notice that we can’t smell others unless we get really close. So we assume the same with us and avoid letting anyone come close.

It makes sense to us, we don’t want to smell their load or anyone to know what’s rotting on us.

One day we meet someone else and we notice that they smell familiar, “ew,” you think, “I don’t like them and how they smell. I worked hard to avoid this so I don’t need them around.”

So we avoid people that remind us of our odor that shows up when we’re alone.

On another day, we meet someone that doesn’t have a similar odor but they notice the smell around us and recognize it. You see it in their facial expressions or they mention something about it.

We feel uncomfortable when we find out someone knows. We think , “this person can see what I’ve been trying so hard to control for so long. They don’t have the right to interact with me knowing what I’m carrying. I don’t like them. I’m gonna avoid or push them away.”

Then one day they see us struggling with the weight and that smell, and theyre like, “hey I know what you’re carrying cuz I had it before, and I dealt with it. Things are much easier now and I feel so much lighter.”
We’re intrigued, they came at a time where we’re open to listen.

They continue, “These are some smell removing techniques that helped me or I can show you the people that helped me.”
You decide to give it a try, and here starts your journey to freedom from those heavy smelly weights.

Now back to this reality. We might not be carrying physical weights or emitting any bad smells (if you are get it checked out :p), but these can be metaphors for actual parts of our personal experiences.

So let’s say the harm we do to others or ourselves is psychological in forms like judgments, false beliefs, etc.

The weights refer to the emotions we’re carrying around with us associated with the hurt.

The smell refers to our bodily language, facial expressions, our patterns..

..of thinking and behaviors that cause us drama or keep us up at night.

We all figure out ways to cope with these “smells” following us around. We distract ourselves with projects, work, gossip, anything that takes our attention off us and onto something else.

We’re in a state of constantly trying to protect ourselves and not let our “smell” come out. We don’t want to remember the source or others don’t figure it out. So we avoid deep conversations, stay around superficial friendships, or don’t get in any position of vulnerability.

Some of us aren’t so good at covering up and cope by avoiding anything, or anyone, that may bring up stuff related to those repressed emotions. It’s easier not to slip up or for others not to smell the hurt.

Others are better at not slipping up. Masters of disguise, if you may.

Sometimes that’s us, we become the masters of disguise. We’ve worked on ourselves so much, we’re sure we won’t slip up. Life is good now. We feel good. We feel we’ve got our shit together. We feel ready for deep relationships. We feel that we’ve got this.

Then we’re put in a situation where our coping mechanisms don’t work. Or we meet someone that our coping mechanisms don’t work with. And suddenly, that old discomfort comes back all over again.

A lot of times we blame the other person or the situation for the discomfort.

We don’t realize that this person or the situation aren’t the source of the discomfort, they’re just reminders in a way. And we can avoid them or push them away all we want, but this discomfort will haunt us and keep coming up even if we keep moving all over the world.

This is where understanding ourselves comes to play. How internally understanding ourselves, and the beliefs that shape our reality, will bring us ease and happiness rather than fixing things externally to cover some inner misery.

I feel one of the deepest ways of showing ourselves love is to understand ourselves. Essentially, finding out how the false beliefs or judgments were holding on to, or the emotions were repressing, are harming us and those around us by leaking out through our behaviors.

I dunno I felt this rotting flesh analogy and how we try to cover it up and how we get ashamed or uncomfortable when other see it really clarified things for me and helped me understand myself a little more. So I thought I’d share it.

I feel it helps explain why we can get agitated by some family members, intimate partners, or long term friends. In a sense, they know us well enough and have seen our coping mechanisms for so long that they sometimes can read right through us, and that shit be uncomfortable.

Look I’m not saying this thread will solve or fix anything, that’s not my intention. But it may help some understand themselves a little more and why they’re uncomfortable when they’re alone or with specific people. It might even help someone decide to go to the smell removers :p

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