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A thread about why I& #39;m not into relationships....
(AFTER MY SEC RAPE)
I was dating this other guy, i told him what happened on that day because he wasn& #39;t returning his calls and texts, after few days i was better, that& #39;s when i returned his texts
I was dating this other guy, i told him what happened on that day because he wasn& #39;t returning his calls and texts, after few days i was better, that& #39;s when i returned his texts
Obviously he wanted to know why i went MIA on him, we met (he didn& #39;t know that i was raped before) so i told him what happened the reason i went MIA right, he looked at me for about 10mins
The only thing he said was "i can& #39;t be with you" i asked why, he said because i was raped, (well i wasn& #39;t expecting that) it broke me so bad, i left... He called after 3 months apologizing.
After like 10months, i tried another relationship... We had sex after few months (i didn& #39;t tell him anything about what i went through, because i was afraid he& #39;d wanna leave too) the sex was okay but...
I wanted to feel the pain i felt when i was raped, i lost interest in that dude just for that, i tried another one and the same shit happened... I then realized that i can& #39;t fall in love anymore.
It& #39;s like they switched off my feelings lol, i got myself a fuck buddy and made it clear that i only want sex, no strings attached, fine we had sex but that pain wasn& #39;t there, what i wanted to feel wasn& #39;t there, i explained to him how i want my sex to be
But i didn& #39;t explain why, i just said i love it that way... He went hard but not too hard and i felt that pain, i was so relieved but i kept on telling him to be too hard, he stopped after 3 months he said he can& #39;t do that to me anymore, i broke ties with him
Lol i found another one and explained tge same thing, he was cool with that and apparently that& #39;s the kinda sex he likes, i was always bleeding and felt so good after it, it went on for 2 years but along the way he started catching feelings, i broke ties with him.
I wanted to try a relationship, and after 2 months i lost interest (we didn& #39;t have sex) i tried like 4 of them without sex and lost interest along the way, some of them were hurt and whatever.
I guess we heal different and that was my way of healing, but i don& #39;t like relationships, i don& #39;t like the idea of having a "boyfriend" everything about a relationship i don& #39;t like it. So yea I& #39;m not into relationships.
The end
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