The fraudster people just called my landline again. You know, the ones who say your internet is running out and they need to take control of your computer? I’ve put the phone in a pan before and left it to echo, but this time I said 1/2

Simon! (that’s what he says his name was) Why, I met your mother just the other day. She was so disappointed to hear you have taken a job in fraud. She thought you were working for a bank. ‘ He made freaked out noises and put the phone down. V pleasing.

I’d been planning that for weeks