did yall know I used to be the philly phanatic?

I never performed at actual games. There was a couple of us other than Tom who would wear the suit to smaller charity appearances or photo ops for local news channels. It honestly sucked the suit smelled like ur own breath & ppl think it's funny to bump you w their ass unprompted

anyway, one time I was doing an appearance for 6abc at some children's soccer match (which like hello baseball mascot. I think it was the 1st game of the season or smth) & they want me to do somersaults with the kids for some b roll, but remember I am NOT tom & the suit is CLUNKY

This shit does not just roll forward. I still think Tom must have made a demon pact with it, i don't wanna know what he paid. But I'm just doing my best & playing it off as a joke (its the phanatic babey he's just a goof). Its going okay, but then I start getting uncomfortable.

U have to understand. This suit is a poorly ventilated hell covered in 3inches of fluffy green bullshit. And soccer parents somehow all bring their own 12 pack of gatorade. I must have had 4 bottles at this point and the constant rolling is not doing good things to my bladder.

the Phanatic suit is fairly easy to get into, but once you're in, you're in. you need two people to get you out of this thing. it's honestly a health hazard. but I only had like an hour left and thought I could handle it. i am known for my hubris .

remember, people don't see mascots as a person in a suit. you're basically a giant toy, especially to children.

after this one somersault I flop on my back, just catching my breath. and this one kid who must have been like 7 yells "I love you fantic" and jumps on my belly to hug me. it wasn't even that I couldn't hold it. it was more like squashing a water balloon with a hole in it

so yeah, I started pissing everywhere. I got it all over the inside of the suit, all over myself, and when the kid looked up all surprised & scared cause I guess it soaked thru the suit, I said "Don't worry about it buddy. Accidents happen."

He started crying and the parents came over & started apologizing like crazy. I told them it was okay and that it happens at that age. No way in hell I was about to tell them I was the one who pissed. I just took the opportunity to leave & went back 2 my trailer 2 sit in my shame

I never told anyone except a few close friends until now. The only ones who knew were me and the poor laundry staffers. So I'm just thinking, I bet that kid still thinks about the time he pissed on the Philly Phanatic. I know I do.

idk how to end a thread in a satisfying way, so that's it. thanks for listening to a weird moment in my life. tip your waitress, I love you, etc