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i feel like a lot of people have been or they are attracted to me simply bc the idea of me. just wondering what it'll b like to have me in their life amazes them. some people don't want to commit to me, some people just want to experience me to see what it's like. some people—
enjoy their experience and stay. others leave. i used to get offended when people would give me the impression that they wanted commitment when really all they wanted was the experience. the offense stemmed from the lack of communication and honesty though. if you want to—
experience me, just say that. i could care less about someone committing to me if that's not what they want. i've realized in the past that i was so big on monogamous relationships bc that's the traditional in my family. they prefer to stay committed to one person forever no—
matter what. but i personally feel like there's more than one person out there for you to connect with. sometimes it's romantic, sometimes it's platonic. i've also realized that my codependency issues was another reason i used to stay in connections that just weren't growing—
then living the monogamous lifestyle. i felt stuck between not wanting to be alone, and not wanting to search for what i wanted in someone else besides my partner bc i didn't wanna cheat. even tho i was dating people who made me feel alone in the relationship.
i just felt stuck and restricted all the way around. now that i've reclaimed my independence. i enjoy being alone and staying in solitude, but i'm open to connection too. i'm open to connecting to more than one person too. i've restricted myself so much in life whether it was—
in a relationship, a friendship, or a connection with a family member all to please the next person & the thanks i get? holy fuck, so this long ass period of me being alone has made me realize that not that i was meant to be alone, but that i was meant to be free.
that i was meant to be in connections that allow me to be free as well. my independence is apart of my life's purpose. i shouldn't have to mold myself to be the ideal person for ANYONE. i've ran from commitment all these years because i'm tired of feeling stuck.
let's just experience and live in the moment please. this is why some friendships and relationships that have ended for me. i don't talk to them anymore. not because it's beef, but because i'm good. some of those experiences weren't meant to stay and that's okay.
