i feel like ive just been turtling through my therapy sessions because all help just feels like an attack

everything runs the risk of making me feel too tragic, too 'cute' or whatever, and i need to punish myself. its just a reflex, there's so much fucking shame i feel shame at all times

"im just faking this because i think this would be a cool personal narrative"

-me, after having a breakdown because one of the strangers who pretends to be my dad online as a kink cut contact

it's all shame, its shame all the way down

i had to word this thread in a way that makes me feel as pathetic as possible thats just the only mode i have of explaining this