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I feel enough comfortable here to tell y'all something I never told anyone, it's confession time
So, I have a group of friends that I see every summer (and sometimes holidays) when everyone come back home (most of them study far away) and there are boys and girls and I know
So, I have a group of friends that I see every summer (and sometimes holidays) when everyone come back home (most of them study far away) and there are boys and girls and I know
them for 9 to 5 years so it's been a long time you see, I never thought of them other than my friends, they are almost like family to me but during summer 2019 I don't know why but I started to have a HUGE CRUSH on one of my friends (I'll call him John in case he sees this), it
came out of nowhere and I still don't understand why I had a crush on him but anyways, John was very close to one of our friends (I'll call her Charlotte in case she sees this too
), when everyone were together they didn't stop teased each other and everyone thought something
), when everyone were together they didn't stop teased each other and everyone thought something
was going on between them, including me and you could guess that I was very sad about it because, unlike Charlotte, I have trouble being close, tactile and affectionate towards people so even if I liked him I couldn't do the things Charlotte did you see
So I tried to see if Charlotte had a crush on him (she's one of my closest friends I love her) but she assured me that for her it was just his bestfriend and I trusted her because she always tell me everything about her crush or relationship (but I still had some doubts, like she
maybe didn't realized she likes him) but anyways, I was kinda relieved but I think what was the worst part was that John clearly had a crush on her, we never knew because he didn't tell it out loud but I was %100 sure he liked her and it was very hard for me to see this
So I took a radical decision and I buried my feelings for him because I didn't wanted to interfere between their relationship, for me John was in love with her and Charlotte did not realized yet she loved him
It was hard but I somehow managed to forget him (especially when
It was hard but I somehow managed to forget him (especially when
I went back to college and did not see him anymore) BUT for the new year's eve I had to see him too and I was very nervous and once again Charlotte and John didn't stop teasing each other BUT once again he was just a friend for her and she tried to put him with one of our friends
(that I'll call Julia) and Julia had a little crush on him so yeah, once again, I thought I wasn't enough for him and I just agreed that they could be a very cute couple (pain
) but yeah finally they didn't even tried and the last time I saw him was during summer so I was even
) but yeah finally they didn't even tried and the last time I saw him was during summer so I was even
more nervous like I finally managed to forget him and the last thing I wanted was to fall again for him, and I was not really ready to see John and Charlotte teasing each other and being close again (she was very excited to see him again) but during the summer she fell in love
with another man (they are so adorable together) so I came to the conclusion that she never liked John in a romantic way but I never knew if John liked her or if he still likes her
In conclusion: I'm a clown who buried her feelings in order to let her friends be happy, even if I might suffer 
