Thread by @PRTArtist95, At first, I didn't think much about it, as I had my [...]

At first, I didn't think much about it, as I had my priorities in order. I had things to do.

Then when I was registering for my final year of Uni classes, there was this strange question that asked me about my orientation, and my only answer was "I actually don't know"

I didn't think much about it, but somehow, I was questioning myself.
Like what kind of question was that? And also... what was I?

I went "I don't feel that way, but I don't feel another way either. What am I?" internally.
This happened in 2016.

A lot happened that year, but this was the beginning of my own weird journey.

It took some time, considering I was busy focusing on other stuff.
Also, my LGBT+ education was pants in school.

I'm serious.
A good 10 years ago, I only heard of 3 LGBT+ terms - gay, lesbian and bisexual.
Also trans was used incorrectly. Affixed to the wrong word.

These were touched upon in school, but not by much.

I had never heard of:
Demisexuality
Asexuality
Aromantic
Pansexuality

These were terms that weren't part of anyone's vocab.

I'm going to be upfront: This was then. Things were different.
Then I find out more about other terms when I visited a Uni I eventually went to, as they had a whole bunch of pride flags on display at the Union building.

Whole bunch of 6th formers attending a UCAS fair.

Exploration shenanigans would ensue.

I never gave them that much thought. They were there, the terms were there, and I was all "Cool. Learned something new"
That was that for a few years.

Before I knew it, really, people were coming out left, right and centre, because this was becoming more acceptable.

And shut up with the "trend" bullshit. People are more aware now.

I had 2 people I know come out as Trans, and I was accepting of them.
They were my friends, first and foremost.
They trusted me.
If I had rejected them, it would have meant they had misplaced the trust, heavily. And we would have all paid the price.

Also, I would have never forgiven myself if I did just that.

I'm thankful that right from the get-go, I've been OK with this.
People are who they are, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Something I've casually accepted for a long time.
I'm someone who doesn't give any fucks

Unless it actually counts.

I only have so many. ^^;

Coasting through life with a devil-may-care attitude. That's me.
Drove my parents up the wall a bit.

Back to the story.

As I had people I know mention their own orientations, I never gave mine that much thought.
For the longest time, I was only romantically attracted to guys. Still am, actually.

But sexual attraction? There was none. It was non-existant.

I didn't give it that much thought.
I was thinking to myself "I'd rather wait it out. Don't want to make any rash decisions, or do something I'll regret"
This was me for a long time, from when I was at the back end of my pre-teen years.
Kept that mindset during my teen years too.

It's never left me at all.
I still don't want to do anything rash, or anything I'll regret.

If anything, I am a little bit sex-repulsed. I don't see myself doing so.
I have nothing against those who do have sex.

I mean, you do you. It doesn't concern me at all.

It's just... it's not something I'd do, or even see myself doing.

Doesn't mean I won't read or look at smut. I mean, I'd like to see a good depiction of smut.
Same with actually writing smut.

Just don't even go there with me whatsoever.
Just don't.

Anyway, at first, I was thinking my lack of sexual attraction was based upon my young age.
But as I grew older, there was still nothing. Yet I never paid much attention to the nothing. Because there was nothing to look at.

I sometimes have a one-track mind.

Anyway, I had no idea there was a term for someone, or rather, people like me who didn't feel this sort of attraction towards anyone.
Or even if it existed.

Then I find out the one word that more or less explained what the nothing I have was.

Asexual.

Sure, I've had heard about it, but in a different sense.
Asexual reproduction.
Still remember it a good 10 years later.

When I looked into asexuality in people, it suddenly made sense. Everything I had ever thought over the course of my life made sense.

I was the kid who didn't have a type.
I was the kid who focused on school and their hobbies.
I was the kid who never looked for a relationship, ever. Saying it would be an issue, with school happening and all.

Hell, I never even understood why people had "types"

I was more focused on the personality of the person.
As long as they weren't an asshole, it was alright in my view.

A memorable event from my teen years was overhearing a girl in my class lamenting about how she hadn't had sex for a while.
I remember feeling unwell and leaving.

As in "Ugh, I want to throw up" kind of unwell.

It wore off after a few minutes. Didn't need to go to the school nurse or anything. Removing myself from the situation helped a ton.

Another one was when I was talking about boyfriends with a Uni classmate.

I was dating someone else at the time - we broke up due to incompatiblity.
I had mentioned I had never sex and she was all "What?!" and tried to argue her case.
I went "Eh, it's not my thing..." and left it at that.
Never brought up again.

That was that, really.

All of these events, thoughts and things I had said to people over the course of my life suddenly made more sense.

Funny thing is I never saw myself as broken.
Just someone who had questions without answers.

Then, late September/early October of 2017, I finally had a definite answer to what I was.
Or rather, what I am.

I am Asexual.

First person I told was my own sister, and turned out she's Asexual too.

We're both Ace. An Ace pair of twins.

Hur hur hur

OK, that joke was bad.

But in all fairness, we are who we are, and we finally had answers we didn't know were missing the whole time.

Biggest problem I faced after that? Admitting it to the world.
Because I was aware of the discourse. Still am.

But I will say this:
I'm Ace until I die.
I was always Ace.
I never "turned Ace" - doesn't work like that.
I am not that much of a prude. I just don't get sex appeal. ._.

I will say this: I will comment on how good-looking someone is, but don't expect much.

Basically "Yeah, I see that"
"Mm-hm"
"I see where you're going with that"
And so on.

When it comes to people, I'm all about what they do.
"Yes, this person is a good actor"
"Yes, this person is a good athlete"
"Yes, this person is a good musician"

Or the opposite.

That's just me.

I am who I am. Nothing can change that.

I'm not broken, nor is there anything wrong with me.

Postscript: The first one who was enthusiastic about my being out there was one of my trans friends I had mentioned earlier in this thread.

She pretty much told me I'm just as valid as she is, despite how different we are.

My asexuality is valid.
Her being a trans woman is also valid.

Because we're both still human at the end of the day.

Everyone's sexualities are valid.

We are who we are.

And if you honestly feel safer in the closet, feel free to stay in there until you're ready to come out.
I hear you. I see you.
And I love you. Platonically.

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