This is a visual journey of a struggle between the morality of being a priest and being a fucking velociraptor. 1:31 already laughed out loud.

Parents dead? Use those miles you racked up being a heathen getting cash advances for the titty bar to travel. Seems kosher. Of course it isn't, he's Catholic (I think? Not really clear rn)

Seems he's traveled to West Virginia. Oh wait, it's China

Something's off about methed-out Tom Selleck (older priest)

Saw the first transformation for the Velocipastor. Most accurate thing about this scene is the constant hand-cycling of a 1911

We're back in "China" to find the robber's dead body.

Orange ain't a bad color on Doug (Velocipastor)

My cat knocked over a bunch of shit and spilled some of my beer, so obviously she isn't a huge fan of my life choices

Frankie Mermaid just confessed to killing Doug's parents!

Doug is making up rules with a hooker (Carol) about murdering bad people as a velociraptor. My life choices aren't so bad, now are they, cat?

Btw, this soundtracks slaps

Murder/workout montage is always a plus, ngl

Back to "China"

I'm more about seeing Carol and Doug have weird virgin/hooker sex. Show us your pp, Doug

I said Mether-up Tom Selleck in a prev Tweet but I meant Methed-up Sam Elliot. Doug told Methed-up Sam Elliot about his powers. Are they powers? Idk. Inner-monologue time

Methed-up Sam Elliot (MUSE for now) forbade him to go to her and I say act like a pirate and pillage duh booty

MUSE brought in the help of Criss Angel to help Doug. MUSE war flashback, looks like China

What the fuck kinda rifle is that at 38:31?

Obv it was super-duper MARSOC OH SHIT that bitch blew up

This Criss Angel guy reads tarots but he can't read a room while Doug goes full Veloci-rapture

Plot-twist! Australian Ninjas! Steve Irwin ain't dead, he's a fucking shadow warrior

I'm pretty fucking sure dinos can look up, Steve.

It's time for the sexxxening

Post-sex montage ninja fight choreography rivaled The Matrix

MUSE just got done up by some Christian drug smugglers from China. I am on the edge of my seat. BREAK THE CHAIN OF EVIL, DOUG

PLOT TWIST CHRISTIAN GINGER NINJA IS DOUG'S BRO BRO

56:05 Carol's got this slutty Russkie vibe. Blyat on my chest anytime

58:16 homegirl Carol looks like an NPC in GTA: Vice City

Masterpiece. 10/10. Anyway, that wraps it up for this thread. Lmk if you want to see more of this shitposting. Love you guys, and good night