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I have a public service announcement about keto pizza. I probably don't need to say more, but I will say, that if your household, unaware, innocent, buys the Foster Farms Brand, you should know...
THAT.
THE.
DOUGH.
IS.
MADE.
OUT.
OF.
CHICKEN.
THAT.
THE.
DOUGH.
IS.
MADE.
OUT.
OF.
CHICKEN.
I can say more. I can say that, when summoned for a bite of the horror, in an attempt to diagnose why it was so horrible, I looked at the ingredients and screamed. As far as I can tell, this "pizza" is puréed chicken random bits mixed with egg edge. It's rubbery, like sponge.
It's like, Foster Farms found a use for chicken feet and cockscombs. That's the texture. It's cartilage pretending to be pizza. I cannot fathom how it managed to arrive at market. No one could possibly like it.
It's not at all clear about what it is, either. It calls itself "Smart Crust." It doesn't say "made out of chicken memorabilia."
It is like eating The Nothing. It provoked an immediate spit and scream life-saving response.
All the reviews you see when you google it are lies. I can only conclude that Foster Farms spent some emergency money buying blogger mouths. I do the "pizza" justice when I say that chewing a bite of it was like chewing on an enemy's ear.
I'm mostly a vegetarian, but this reaction is the reaction any person who consumes food would have to this product. It was shocking.
Also, there are things to do w/difficult bits of a chicken. I'm all for toe to tail, if you're gonna eat meat. Chicken broth. Fried chicken feet! I've never had them, but I hear that's good. No one, until now, has ever thought pizza dough made of chicken paraphernalia was a plan.
"Toe to tail" should be "nose to tail." Apparently, I was just thinking obsessively about chicken toes being used for evil.
This product, in conclusion, is the kind of product for which you can easily imagine an emergency meeting.
Exec: SHIT, BOB, WE'VE MADE THE WORST THING. CALL IT SMART CRUST!
Bob: Smart Cursed?
Exec: No! We've made 350k units!
Bob: The pizza crust is made of chicken?!
Exec: Shh.
Exec: SHIT, BOB, WE'VE MADE THE WORST THING. CALL IT SMART CRUST!
Bob: Smart Cursed?
Exec: No! We've made 350k units!
Bob: The pizza crust is made of chicken?!
Exec: Shh.
