Thread by @BroknHeadphones, Looks like my schedule has cleared, so I think it's time for [...]

Looks like my schedule has cleared, so I think it's time for Disco Crimes Court

Apologies to everyone on the other side of the Atlantic for the hour

First on the docket: Bryan Adams, "Let Me Take You Dancing"
(looks like the actual disco version has been scrubbed from YT, but this is close enough)

In his defence, a) it WAS his first single, from when the label was grooming him to be a teen idol, and b) while released in November 1978, it was actually recorded in February 78 (the release dates will be important, as you'll see)

Verdict: Acquitted. No-one could have known..

Next: Dolly Parton, "Baby I'm Burnin'"

This was released within a week of the Bryan Adams single, it turns out.
Now, You all know I love Dolly Parton, and I will fight you to defend her honour; also she was at the top of her stardom when she released this (it's actually the first record of hers I ever bought)...

...but let's face it, this is just a spangled-up country song with edited-in drum breaks.

Verdict: Guilty (with reluctance)

Next: Peter Allen, "I Go To Rio"

Okay, look: this is not a Disco song, not even in 1976. You would not have heard this track in any COOL disco.

Verdict: Guilty

Next: "The Ethel Merman Disco Album"

There is no rational defence for this. Recorded in the last gasps of Disco in a blatant attempt to cash in (reportedly, Merman loathed Disco), this record is all but unlistenable.

Verdict: Guilty, with Prejudice

Next: Shirley Bassey, "This Is My Life", 1979 Disco Version

Disco was just about over when Shirley Bassey released this remake of her 1968 hit single, which almost immediately became a gay anthem. I'm not gonna argue with that.

Verdict: Acquitted. Also, I will cut you about Shirley Bassey

Next:
Al Martino, "Volare"
Petula Clark, "Downtown '77"
Ron Dante, "Sugar Sugar"
Frankie Avalon, "Venus"

Gonna tackle all these at once

Okay: individually, yes, these are likely crimes. But, in defence, only one of these (Clark) was recorded after 1975.

Verdict: Clark - time served.
Others - Dismissed

Okay, back. Next: Bette Midler, "Married Men"

Are we talking about THEE Bette Midler? Of the Cockettes? Who was there at the BEGINNING of Disco?
Get the hell out my courtroom.

Bette Midler's disco tracks my not be to everyone's taste, but her bona-fides are ironclad.

Verdict: Dismissed, with Prejudice

Next: Cher, "Take Me Home"
(NOTE: I'm Deliberately using short versions, to spare your delicate rock sensibilities)

This song was recorded during the Platinum Zenith of Disco production, in 1978 (released in Jan. '79, just before the wheels began to fall off the Disco wagon). Cher is a showbiz Pro, so one wonders why it took her THAT long to cut a Disco single

Verdict: Not Guilty. No-one tells Cher what to do

Next: Kiss, "I Was Made For Loving You"

This is Bullshit.

Verdict: GUILTY

Next: Frank Sinatra, "Night And Day (Disco Mix)"

This had an official release in 1977, but it was originally a bootleg, done two or three years earlier. Sinatra really had nothing to do with this.

Verdict: Not Guilty

(Y'know, you'd be shocked at how many of these records I actually own)

Next: Robert Guillaume, "I Who Have Nothing"
(no short version available)

I love this record, but that's no defence. Already old-sounding by the time it came out, I'm guessing this was de-mothballed when he got famous

Verdict: Guilty

Okay, next up: Elton John, "Bite Your Lip (Get Up And Dance)"

Latest Threads Unrolled: