are you currently, or do you ever experience intense confusion over your relationships ??

- a thread of (hopefully) helpful advice from an aro person

in past relationships ive been in, i always felt off. as if nothing was right and i was just there, letting the other person lead the relationship, which normally meant something incredibly uncomfortable for me to be in.

one person told me they were in love with me. on the outside, i was smiling, but said nothing. on the inside, i was screaming and wanted to run away as quickly as possible.

so, do you ever feel like youre not doing something right?? perhaps you tell yourself "maybe i just havent found the right one" or worst of all, you may think, "there's something wrong with me."

theres absolutely nothing wrong with you. who you are is completely valid. theres nothing to be ashamed of. confused?? absolutely. but dont beat yourself up over something you truly cannot control.

you also may wonder...."but what i feel feels like love", yet be uncomfortable if its labeled as such.

weve had romantic love and relationships ingrained into our brains since we were kids. we automatically think that thats whats normal and should be part of life.

but then when we grow up, we may feel disconnected from what we were taught was "normal".

a lot of people seem to, unfortunately, forget about the sheer intimacy of non-romantic love. something more platonic.

you may feel deeply connected to someone, feel intense happiness when youre with them or talk to/hear from them. you may (consensually) want to be intimate with the person, even if it just means kissing or cuddling. non sexual acts of intimacy.

and if it goes into something sexual, thats something for you and the other person to label on your own, or not label at all. because it doesnt have to have a label.

you may feel tingly when they kiss you, you might get the butterflies sometimes.

all of this sounds like what some portray being in love is, right??

love comes in all forms. and we just were never taught all of them, and now are left to figure it out on our own.

non romantic love can feel intense, intimate and deep. it can be deeper and more intense than romantic love sometimes.

theres nothing wrong with not feeling romantically connected to someone but wanting to be with the person.

nothing wrong at all.

you are who you are, i am who i am. and thats okay.

mind you, aromanticism is a whole spectrum, and you may fall on the spectrum and not just simply be aromantic.

theres so much to take in. dont rush it. take your time and figure yourself out, slowly.

nothing has to be done instantly.

perhaps talk to someone who identifies as arospec and see what advice they have to give (my DM's are always open)

search up information on the internet. the LGBTQ+ wiki is very helpful.

in the end, just dont be afraid to be who you are, and to be open about yourself to others who come into your life.

many people will be supportive and understand. some wont....but thats their problem and loss.

if you ever need to talk, are confused or questioning, or simply need some form of advice, my DM's are always open. you can come chat with me, anytime.

take care amd trust yourself ♡