1. As the daughter of a mother who disowned me because I left the #KwaSizabantu cult, I would like to weigh in on the subject of broken families. You may think that it would be a good thing for families to reconcile, but would it?

2. I’m speaking for myself, but a wise therapist once asked me a question when I spoke to her about how difficult it was for people to understand that after more than a decade of trying, I had stopped trying to repair the relationship with my mother... #KwaSizabantu

“If your mother had hospitalised you with a broken jaw or cigarette burns, would they be encouraging you to maintain a relationship?” she asked me. The answer is, of course, a resounding NO! So then, how do physical abuse differ from emotional and psychic trauma? #KwaSizabantu

Ask yourself: “Is it really in that person’s best interest to encourage them to repair their relationship?” Do you actually know what happened between the members of that family? Is the person you’re encouraging them to reconcile with even a good person? #KwaSizabantu

Rather encourage people to find healing for themselves - and by all means, engage in discourse. But in my experience, even a well-meaning “But she’s your mother, Erika, you must love her. You must fix things,” was shame inducing and not helpful to my own healing. #KwaSizabantu

I encourage you to think carefully why you want families (that aren’t your own immediate family) to reconcile. Is it to protect your own idea of family? Your idea of how people should be? My reality is very different to that - and so are other people’s. #KwaSizabantu

And while the vast majority of family members who have rejected their own because of the #KwaSizabantu doctrine are well-intentioned, but misguided (in my opinion), nobody can know whether it is a good idea for those who were rejected to speak to them again...

You can tell this is something I feel really strongly about - that is because I’ve lived it for so long. I have forgiven my mother. For her private and public rejection of me. My life is better without her in it. #KwaSizabantu

Other people’s expectations no longer influence how I feel about my fragmented family, but that is only after years of therapy. I beg you. Be there for people but don’t express an opinion about what they should and should not be doing when it comes to their families #KwaSizabantu

What is right for you could be downright harmful for someone else. You do not know the scars, you do not know what was done and said inside that family unit. Not all families should stay together - sometimes people are better off without their parents. #KwaSizabantu

So, that’s my bit on the fragmented families coming out of #KwaSizabantu. Support, care, talk by all means, but do take care not to exert pressure on reconciliations that could be more harmful than healing.