once again thinking about my complicated relationship with my asexuality

i know for a fact that im asexual, and ive known this for YEARS, but i just. dont like to use the label. for my own personal reasons that involve bad experiences back in 2014 tumblr

and i cant explain what said reasons are bc 1. it's personal 2. i feel as though other people wont understand 3. i feel as though whatever i say can be Very Easily Misinterpreted, and i dont want that

and no it's not a case of like... me not "accepting" my asexuality. it's no such thing and the farthest thing from that. bc i Have accepted it and when the topic comes up i have no problem discussinf my lack of sex drive and sexual attraction

i just. dont like using the label. again for my own personal reasons that are hard to explain and ive really only shared with fran and eoin

i just wish i wasnt introduced to asexuality at such a young age, i think. i wish i discovered it when i was older.

because. and i wont go into detail. but i think me being involved with such things when, you know, i wasn't nearly even... fully developed, i guess you could say, did negative things to the way i viewed myself and the world around me

it's just. so hard to explain. and a very delicate subject for me that makes me anxious to even dip my toes into. but maybe one day ill be able to talk about it more freely without fear of my experience being misunderstood