cw // nsfw

i stayed over at a hotel w 3 other friends on friday night as a graduation trip and. um. see below...

honestly i was the fourth wheel because two of them had Intense Sexual Tension and the third has an almost-bf?? not to mention i’ve never felt any sexual interest in any of them??? that trip kinda ruined my friendships w them ngl https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai">

tw // anxiety

not just because i somehow got horny but also because of a lot of other shit?? like we got drunk, i had a panic attack and one of them had to calm me down, then i infodumped all of my trauma on them?? sorry i won’t be elaborating on this but it was. embarrassing https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai">

then everyone broke down about their traumas and it was supposed to be a therapeutic experience but i was Unprepared and i just felt Vulnerable throughout,,, then two people made out and it made everything even more awkward because now they didn’t know where their r/s stood

ok that isn’t even half of what happened during the trip but. it fucked me?? us?? up because i don’t think any of us had been that emotionally vulnerable in a long fuckin time https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗿" title="Moai" aria-label="Emoji: Moai"> what am i supposed to do now?? lose three friends and end up with like. two friends left?

like. i don’t even know if i like the person i was suddenly turned on by??? ok sure i’ve had a mild romantic interest in her before but it was never sexual and it was a Really Mild interest. not even a crush. wow this is rather stressful

ok i’ll end this thread here bc i am, once again, infodumping. but jsyk the age of consent in my country is 16 and all 4 of us in the hotel room were 16. yes

after rereading. i realised that this thread was completely incoherent and explained NOTHING but i will not be adding to it due to a crippling fear of Emotions