I just finished reading Being Mortal by @Atul_Gawande. Lost two grandparents this year (and couldn't go to their funerals because of Covid). Have been thinking about mortality and end-of-life care. Thread below. Book Summary at https://www.notion.so/Being-Mortal-by-Atul-Gawande-fac2162be0f943b0ad8134adc7b35caa [1/]

"It is not death that the very old tell me they fear. It is what happens short of death—losing their hearing, their memory, their best friends, their way of life. All we ask is to be allowed to remain the writers of our own story." [2/]

My maternal grandfather passed away earlier this year. His health had slowly faded, and he spent a lot of time in hospitals before passing away. He was irritable and shrunken in his final days. Much of this was because his agency had been stripped away as his health failed [3/]

My paternal grandmother passed away two weeks ago. She had her own health issues to deal with, but managed to steer clear of hospital stays and still lived in her home. She was far happier before passing away. Having agency was a key part of this [4/]

"The battle of being mortal is the battle to maintain the integrity of one’s life—to avoid becoming so diminished or dissipated or subjugated that who you are becomes disconnected from who you were or who you want to be." [5/]

"People with serious illness have priorities besides simply prolonging their lives. Surveys find that their top concerns include avoiding suffering, strengthening relationships with family and friends, being mentally aware, not being a burden on others ... " [6/]

When you know someone is severely ill or faces an operation with limited chances of success, ask them the following questions: [7/]

1. What is your understanding of your illness and its potential outcomes?
2. What are your fears and what are your hopes about what lies ahead?
3. What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make? [8/]

4. What is the course of action that best serves this understanding?
5. How do you want to spend your time if your health worsens?
6. Who do your want to make decisions for you if you can’t? [9/]

"Old age is a continuous series of losses ... It is not a battle. It is a massacre." As you or your loved ones get older, it can be useful to have candid conversations about illness and old-age with family [10/]

When facing someone who is severely ill, don't assume that they want to extend their life at all cost. Ask them what their goals are. "People who have discussions with their doc about end-of-life preferences are far more likely to die at peace & ... to spare their family anguish"

If you can, do read the full book. It is fairly short, beautifully written, and combines poignant prose with actionable advice. Strongly recommended https://www.notion.so/Being-Mortal-by-Atul-Gawande-fac2162be0f943b0ad8134adc7b35caa [/fin]