hi weiss kins yes this is ranas fault

so first off y’all are people pleasers. you are very perceptive and understanding and attentive to very small things in people and almost nonexistent changes to the pattern of life. people prey on this and you let them, in a lot of ways +

you won’t even realize they they do it. you like to make people happy, keep them satisfied, & as a result u literally GIVE UP PARTS OF YOURSELF. INCLUDING YOUR HAPPINESS. YOUR HEALTH. YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE (I will get into this again later on) YOUR VALUE & PERCEPTIONS OF YOURSELF

it gets to the point where you will shrink yourself until you feel you are nothing but a vessel for others will. and by the time you realize that it will have already made its imprint on you. in your attempts to get away from what has hurt and control you you will

still allow it to control you. you will try to be the opposite of what you were so intensely that you’re following along with what you’re running from all the same ways, and you feel trapped in that

AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THIS IS A PATTERN WITH YOU AND I NEED YOU TO RECOGNIZE IT SO THAT YOU CAN STOP. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. YOU CAN SIMPLY JUST EXIST. ITS OKAY IF IT TAKES TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE. WHEN YOU SAY THIS LIFE IS MINE THIS IS PART OF THAT

now back to the self confidence. THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM WITH YOU BABY YOU DO NOT VALUE YOURSELF BUT YOU ARE SO GOOD. YOURE GOOD AND ENOUGH ALL ON YOUR OWN JUST BY EXISTING LET ME PREFACE THIS BY SAYING THAT.

knowing you you have probably had experiences where people dominated everything about you that they can reach. they tell you what to do. they tell you that your struggles don’t exist so that you can do it. they dont acknowledge the agency you have as a person so you don’t know

that you have it. YOU HAVE IT. YOU HAVE A WILL. YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT. YOU HAVE THINGS YOU DONT WANT. THAT IS OKAY. EVEN IF YOU THINK THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM THAT IS OKAY. YOU HAVE A WILL AND YOU FEEL THAT YOU CANNOT EXERCISE IT BUT YOU CAN

you don’t know how to say no. there may or not be an immediate reason for that but if that is a problem for you that is okay. You just gotta fix it. it’s gonna hurt you. IT HAS HURT YOU.

you also have a problem telling people you are uncomfortable. you’ll laugh it off, or shut down, or do it gracefully, or overcompensate or just power through without regard for yourself. you don’t have to do that. the words “I’m not sure” “I don’t like that” and “NAH FUCK THAT”

exist for you too. it is not a bad thing or a burden or a hassle for people to have you use them.

OKAY NOW THE NEXT PART OF SELF CONFIDENCE. you have issues with failure. INTENSE ONES. YOU TEND TO BE OBSESSIVE IN YOUR GOALS WHICH IS OFTEN??? ADMIRABLE UNDER FUCKING???? CAPITALISM??? in other words unhealthy

AND IT GETS YOU A LOT OF GOOD RESULTS (which you use to justify it to yourself I see you) AND A LOT OF BAD ONES. this has so much potential for you to start to base your entire worth on your titles and achievements if you don’t already do that,,,, do I need to explain why

that is bad for you,,,,,,, please say I don’t good lord

you are very scared of being a disappointmeht. U WILL DO EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO NOT BE A DISSAPOINTMENT. THIS INCLUDES ALOT OF. MORALLY OFF THINGS SOMETIMES. I SEE YOU. you might lie. you might redirect. you might resort to straight up aggression (u do this with many things)

this is not always directly either. if you think a person is getting in the way of your perfectly crafted plan in your head YOU WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MOVE THEM. this could be “if I don’t get in the store before 6 I wont have time to get this and I will need it for

something I am doing in class & if I don’t get a 100 because I’m ready it will mess up my grade this one time which will fuck me over if I mess up later & yadayadayada I’m a failure” you tend to spiral. you’re a perfectionist. but you will quickly get mad at someone as a result

of the slight alteration in plan AND THE UNBELIEVABLE FUCKING PRESSURE YOU PUT ON YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO BE A DISSAPOINTMENT BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO MAKE THINGS HARD OR UPSET ANYONE IT ALL COMES BACK TO BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER

YOU DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU HAVE SO MANY IDENTITY ISSUES YOURE CONVINCED ITS YOUR ONLY PERSONALITY AT THIS POINT. you will be things for other people. you will follow goals that unintentionally end up being for other people. you will change everything without even realizing it

because for you it was probably how you had to live for a while. but you have all these issues that have added up and I think deep down you know that and now you’re stuck constantly asking who you are.

by the way. asking other people is not going to help you with that. please. I know those “moots reply which one of these drawings with personality traits am I” posts are fun. but don’t take it and run with it please I see yall

IT IS OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BY THE WAY. you might need to learn how to literally just. exist. first. literally just sit there and be listless. that is the first struggle. BUT IT IS OKAY TO NOT HAVE A GOAL. IT IS OKAY TO NOT HAVE DEFINED PURPOSE. ITS OKAY NOT TO KNOW

WHAT YOU LIKE. ITS OKAY NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE. ITS OKAY NOT TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. WE ALL HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE, AND NOT KNOWING IS HOW YOU LEARN. THAT IS ALRIGHT. you just have to be willing to let yourself be a person. I promise you are

good and deserving of every bit of time that takes all on your own. you don’t have to do anything to deserve that. anything at all. that’s just part of a procress you have to learn your way through before taking

and with that. I conclude. for now at least

WAIT NO IM NOT DONE YET. DONT JUST LOOK AT THE CALLING OUT PART OF THIS AND TAKE IT AS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FOR HIDING IT AND KEEPING UP APPEARANCES I KNOW HOW YALL MFS ARE. GET HELP. NOT AS A JOKE YOU GENUINELY DESERVE IT AND NEED IT AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT