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A long time ago, I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and one thing I remember from it is that you need to give people a reputation to live up to. This applies in your relationships, too. The reputation you give your partner will be what they live out. /1
Do you tell your partner that they are selfish, immature, over-sensitive, etc? Or do you tell them they are understanding, kind, generous, etc? You are the most important person in your partner's life. What you tell them about themselves matters. /2
Work to build up your partner's self-esteem. Be their cheerleader. See the best in them. Character flaws should be corrected gently and lovingly, never with judgment or animosity. /3
If you put your partner down, eventually they start to believe the things you tell them about themselves. It becomes their inner narrative. And they start to act more and more like what they've been told they are. (In addition to feeling unloved.) /4
Maybe you don't even put them down that often. But people remember the bad things more vividly than the good things. They start to believe that what you tell them is true. /5
The same principle goes double for talking to children, as their sense of self is still being shaped by those around them. Always choose to build someone up if you can. /6
